The last treatment went good. The DOC told me that he thinks I may be on pain meds for the rest of my life now. Either a little or a lot. Man, that sucks. My pain has been better. The pills are doing their job.
I am going in to see the cancer DOC next week to probably start back up on chemo. I have been taking my daily chemo pill and that is working. I am hopeful the chemo will start to kill the cancer again and put it back to sleep. I am thinking if that happens my pain may go away. The reason I got the pain to begin with is that the cancer started to grow.
I been in a rut for awhile now. I have been very depressed. I have not and will not loose faith or stop fighting. I'm kinda feeling a little better today.
I have been watching these vids on you tube on Star Trek model ship building. I can not believe how detailed some of these guys make their models. I have always been interested in model cars and models in general. I think they're cool. The Star Trek ones that light up and stuff look awesome. I would love to have one of those to put on my shelf.....but don't have a couple grande to buy one built and I could never build one like that. What surprised me the most was that these guys use the regular model kits that are for sale at hobby shops and stuff. I thought they used special ones. There are special ones that are made just for high detail and lights, but the majority of them are just the regular ones. Hell I built one of the ones they use a long time ago when I was a kid. These guys are talented to say the least.
The Hot Wheel collection is coming along nicely. I picked up a few old ones on the bay last week that I remember having as a kid and have them up on display now. The lady is not disappointing. She has alot of them that she likes and where are they? In bags sitting on the couch in the living room. She gets some and there they go, into that bag to sit untouched.
I broke out a couple of my action figures and have them on display as well. I'm going to get more. They sell universal monster figures, The Mummy, Dracula, Frankenstien that look really cool and are cheap. I'm thinking of getting a few of those.
I'm done with vinyl, baseball cards and old video games. The vinyl I never listen to anymore, the baseball cards are too expensive as well as the old video games.
I have been getting really interested in Star Trek, maybe it's the models....lol. Who knows. But I have a couple of the movies on DVD, I'm going to get them all and the seasons. I'm going to go unload my Beatle albums and trade them in for that when we go to the city next. I think this is the last time I am going to change what I collect......sheesh, I'm a hoarder, lol. I like looking at the Hot Wheels and action figures and plan on getting more old toys as well. The ones I used to have. I think that's gonna be awesome. I may start a Star Trek and Star Wars collection, I have a few Star Wars pieces already.
Friday, September 13
Wednesday, September 11
The Pain
I go for my last radiation treatment today. The pain is still there. Not as bad as before, but it's there. The Doc told me yesterday that radiation works slow, so I will continue to improve for 2-3 more weeks. The important part is that I am improving.
I am finding it hard to cope. This pain has gotten really hard to deal with. I try to keep a positive outlook everyday but dealing with the pain, her, the dog, the fucking g kids, I'm almost ready to crack. She has been alot better though, I must say. She has not complained about anything for the past 2-3 days. The dog is the dog. I feel bad about not wanting him anymore. It's not his fault. He loves me and will until he dies. That's what I am having a hard time with.
I am not interested in anything anymore. I know this is just a rut that I am in and brighter days are ahead. I hope they arrive soon.
I have decided I'm not gonna dump her just yet. I am going to talk with her though. From now on, it's all about me. That's it. This is my life. I am fighting for it. When it comes to my life, nothing else matters. Nothing. Period. I care about nothing other than my life. I do not want any stress from her in any way. I don't want to hear any complaints. I do not want anything to do with her worthless sons. The g kids can still visit. I don't care. But I don't want to be asked to do anything with them. If I feel like doing something, I will bring it up. I am going to tell her this and also tell her if she can not, will not accept this fact, to move out. She is causing me stress that is killing me. It's her choice. If it becomes a problem, I will end it with her and we will split up. I come first from now on.
I still like having her here sometimes. It is the pain that was doing the talking. I had very little pain yesterday and a couple hours that were pain free. Oh, that felt fantastic!!! At that time. I liked her here, so, I'm thinking it's the pain. I also do not want to be alone and she does help a little.
All last year I put up with some major shit from her and her worthless family. The fact that I had cancer was just that. A fact. I went to chemo, came home, dealt with her. That was it. I did not feel any different, just tired. Well, this pain has snapped my ass back into reality. I am going to concentrate on myself from now on. Nothing else. If she gets in the way, I'll loose her, simple as that. I don't care. If she gets mad at me, I'm not going to care. I am not keeping her here. She can leave at anytime.
I have become more resolute than ever. I am going to start to fight this harder. I have never more determined than I am now. I am young, strong, and have a very good support network behind me. I consider myself very fortunate that network is there, especially my job. I am never going to loose faith or give up.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!
I am finding it hard to cope. This pain has gotten really hard to deal with. I try to keep a positive outlook everyday but dealing with the pain, her, the dog, the fucking g kids, I'm almost ready to crack. She has been alot better though, I must say. She has not complained about anything for the past 2-3 days. The dog is the dog. I feel bad about not wanting him anymore. It's not his fault. He loves me and will until he dies. That's what I am having a hard time with.
I am not interested in anything anymore. I know this is just a rut that I am in and brighter days are ahead. I hope they arrive soon.
I have decided I'm not gonna dump her just yet. I am going to talk with her though. From now on, it's all about me. That's it. This is my life. I am fighting for it. When it comes to my life, nothing else matters. Nothing. Period. I care about nothing other than my life. I do not want any stress from her in any way. I don't want to hear any complaints. I do not want anything to do with her worthless sons. The g kids can still visit. I don't care. But I don't want to be asked to do anything with them. If I feel like doing something, I will bring it up. I am going to tell her this and also tell her if she can not, will not accept this fact, to move out. She is causing me stress that is killing me. It's her choice. If it becomes a problem, I will end it with her and we will split up. I come first from now on.
I still like having her here sometimes. It is the pain that was doing the talking. I had very little pain yesterday and a couple hours that were pain free. Oh, that felt fantastic!!! At that time. I liked her here, so, I'm thinking it's the pain. I also do not want to be alone and she does help a little.
All last year I put up with some major shit from her and her worthless family. The fact that I had cancer was just that. A fact. I went to chemo, came home, dealt with her. That was it. I did not feel any different, just tired. Well, this pain has snapped my ass back into reality. I am going to concentrate on myself from now on. Nothing else. If she gets in the way, I'll loose her, simple as that. I don't care. If she gets mad at me, I'm not going to care. I am not keeping her here. She can leave at anytime.
I have become more resolute than ever. I am going to start to fight this harder. I have never more determined than I am now. I am young, strong, and have a very good support network behind me. I consider myself very fortunate that network is there, especially my job. I am never going to loose faith or give up.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!
Friday, September 6
Tension Growing
I'm finding that I am starting to despise her more everyday. I need to tell her. I am not being mean to her, but very distant. The dog as well. I want them both out of here ASAP.
I am not looking forward to the aftermath. I am not putting her out onto the street. I am going to help her get a place to live. Either it be here or up north. I am not abandoning her. It is going to take a month or so for me to get the cash in order to do that. So that means she is living here. To tell you the truth, I see nothing big that will change actually. I am going to ask her to stop calling me honey, hon, babe. She does that now and it is starting to bother me.
I am hopeful she remains here. I really do not feel up to taking a big trip like that up north, but am prepared to if that's what she wants. I have a feeling she will remain here. If she does I am telling her that we are not going to be friends. Period, I do not want any contact with her at all. But, on the other hand she has become very lazy since she met me. She may not want to take care of herself and may just try and make it work with her son up north. I know her son would want her close by again to mooch off of. I don't care where she goes. I just want her gone.
I am not looking forward to the aftermath. I am not putting her out onto the street. I am going to help her get a place to live. Either it be here or up north. I am not abandoning her. It is going to take a month or so for me to get the cash in order to do that. So that means she is living here. To tell you the truth, I see nothing big that will change actually. I am going to ask her to stop calling me honey, hon, babe. She does that now and it is starting to bother me.
I am hopeful she remains here. I really do not feel up to taking a big trip like that up north, but am prepared to if that's what she wants. I have a feeling she will remain here. If she does I am telling her that we are not going to be friends. Period, I do not want any contact with her at all. But, on the other hand she has become very lazy since she met me. She may not want to take care of herself and may just try and make it work with her son up north. I know her son would want her close by again to mooch off of. I don't care where she goes. I just want her gone.
Tuesday, September 3
She's Scared
The woman knows something is going on. She has been kissing my ass for the last day or so. She's scared.
Good. It won't be a complete surprise then when I drop the bomb here in a little while. I would like to take her off to the side and scream in her face......YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF YOU IDIOT!!!
I have been kissing her ass for years. I'm tired of it.
She has no family or friends that she can depend on or go to. That's not my fault. She has stayed with her son up north a few times and after a few day they have both been at each others throats. She does not get along with any of her family. That I think shows how difficult she is. Well, I don't give a fuck.
Don't get me wrong. I am not just going to kick her out onto the street. I still care about her a little bit. I just don't love her. I moved her ass out of scumtown, I will move her ass back if that is what she wants. I am going to give her everything in the house except what I have in the basement and the appliances. She can have the big TV, beds, frezzer, everything. I don't want any of the crap. Hell, I'm even thinking of giving her the Beer Meister. I don't need it any longer. I don't drink and am glad and thank the Lord I don't. I have never been happier. I am also going to give her the dog. I don't want him. He has been getting on my nerves as well.
A friend has told me that these kind of thoughts are common in cancer patients. I am shutting her and the dog out. I am not. I really miss my family. She is one reason why I have wanted to go up north had the cash and everything and just not went a couple of times. I do not want to deal with her lowlife family up there. She has practically made me alienate my family. Never again. My friends here do not like her as well, and these friends I am talking about are more like family. There are 2. I have been friends with one for more than 35 years and we both consider each other family. My other friend I have known for over 20 years and are close as well.
Well, she knows something is up. I am not going to break the news till probably next week sometime. She will probably continue to kiss my ass, I do not care. I want nothing from her and am not going to change my mind.
Good. It won't be a complete surprise then when I drop the bomb here in a little while. I would like to take her off to the side and scream in her face......YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF YOU IDIOT!!!
I have been kissing her ass for years. I'm tired of it.
She has no family or friends that she can depend on or go to. That's not my fault. She has stayed with her son up north a few times and after a few day they have both been at each others throats. She does not get along with any of her family. That I think shows how difficult she is. Well, I don't give a fuck.
Don't get me wrong. I am not just going to kick her out onto the street. I still care about her a little bit. I just don't love her. I moved her ass out of scumtown, I will move her ass back if that is what she wants. I am going to give her everything in the house except what I have in the basement and the appliances. She can have the big TV, beds, frezzer, everything. I don't want any of the crap. Hell, I'm even thinking of giving her the Beer Meister. I don't need it any longer. I don't drink and am glad and thank the Lord I don't. I have never been happier. I am also going to give her the dog. I don't want him. He has been getting on my nerves as well.
A friend has told me that these kind of thoughts are common in cancer patients. I am shutting her and the dog out. I am not. I really miss my family. She is one reason why I have wanted to go up north had the cash and everything and just not went a couple of times. I do not want to deal with her lowlife family up there. She has practically made me alienate my family. Never again. My friends here do not like her as well, and these friends I am talking about are more like family. There are 2. I have been friends with one for more than 35 years and we both consider each other family. My other friend I have known for over 20 years and are close as well.
Well, she knows something is up. I am not going to break the news till probably next week sometime. She will probably continue to kiss my ass, I do not care. I want nothing from her and am not going to change my mind.
Monday, September 2
This Is It
I have decided. I am not putting up with her crap anymore. We are done. She does not know about this blog, or care I don't think. I have told her about it several times in the past, but she's not that internet savvy and has never been here. Part of me kinda wishes that she did visit this thing, but she never has. I don't care. Hell, maybe she has and just kept her fucking mouth shut, who knows. With her though, I think that would be impossible for her to not bitch, whine, complain...etc. about this blog and what I have written in it in the past.
I did a lot of soul searching and thinking today. I personally do not know how this is going to go, but, I hope she is an adult about it. I do not know when I am going the break the news to her, it is going to be soon.
She and her worthless family have become a detriment to my health, I am not going to allow this to go on any longer.
I did a lot of soul searching and thinking today. I personally do not know how this is going to go, but, I hope she is an adult about it. I do not know when I am going the break the news to her, it is going to be soon.
She and her worthless family have become a detriment to my health, I am not going to allow this to go on any longer.
Saturday, August 31
Getting The Point
Screamed and yelled at the lady today. The shit is coming to a head. The fucking piles of crap she has stacked all over the fucking house are getting to me.
By our back door we have a little hallway and there is a door going downstairs. I came up from the basement today, the dog was there to meet me. We have a big dog and he was in he way, I told him to move. The area we were in is not that big and leaning against the wall is a lounge chair the lady has used once out on the deck. It has been leaning there since it started getting warm. I stubbed my toe on it and it hurt like hell.
I went the fuck off. The dog not moving, that fucking chair there for 3 months and only being used once, and the rest of all the crap piled in the kitchen just made me snap. I told her I wanted all the crap out or I would throw the fucking shit away. Get the crap out of the fucking kitchen. This fucking house is a dam obsticle course and I am sick of it all. She fired back....Oh, it's all about you, and I said dam fucking right. Get the shit taken care of or I'll do it.
Well, she has since got off her lazy ass and straightened out the kitchen. I hope this fucking chick has gotten the point. I am not putting up with her shit any longer. Period.
Got a hot wheels race track from the bay a few days ago. I forgot how much space those fuckers needed. The only room in this house that does not have any piles of her crap is my room in the basement. It's nice and open. The kid came down and asked if he could play with his track down here, I said hell no. This is my room. Nobodies crap is going into it. It's her dam fault this house is so fucking cluttered, go talk to her.
Well, I hope that has did some good. I am really getting sick of her and her whole deadbeat idiot family. I don't want anything bad to happen to any of them, or get hurt or anything, I'm just tired. I am looking forward to taking a break from her next month. I am going to insist she stay. For at least a week anyways. Nothing else.
By our back door we have a little hallway and there is a door going downstairs. I came up from the basement today, the dog was there to meet me. We have a big dog and he was in he way, I told him to move. The area we were in is not that big and leaning against the wall is a lounge chair the lady has used once out on the deck. It has been leaning there since it started getting warm. I stubbed my toe on it and it hurt like hell.
I went the fuck off. The dog not moving, that fucking chair there for 3 months and only being used once, and the rest of all the crap piled in the kitchen just made me snap. I told her I wanted all the crap out or I would throw the fucking shit away. Get the crap out of the fucking kitchen. This fucking house is a dam obsticle course and I am sick of it all. She fired back....Oh, it's all about you, and I said dam fucking right. Get the shit taken care of or I'll do it.
Well, she has since got off her lazy ass and straightened out the kitchen. I hope this fucking chick has gotten the point. I am not putting up with her shit any longer. Period.
Got a hot wheels race track from the bay a few days ago. I forgot how much space those fuckers needed. The only room in this house that does not have any piles of her crap is my room in the basement. It's nice and open. The kid came down and asked if he could play with his track down here, I said hell no. This is my room. Nobodies crap is going into it. It's her dam fault this house is so fucking cluttered, go talk to her.
Well, I hope that has did some good. I am really getting sick of her and her whole deadbeat idiot family. I don't want anything bad to happen to any of them, or get hurt or anything, I'm just tired. I am looking forward to taking a break from her next month. I am going to insist she stay. For at least a week anyways. Nothing else.
Friday, August 30
Good Morning
Having my coffee/ice water. Just woke up. The pain is there today. I am out of 1 of my types of pain pills. The lower ones. A am supposed to take the big ones on schedule because they are timed release to set up a barrier for the pain. The lower ones are to be used every 6 hours to take care of the pain that breaks through that set barrier. Last week I was feeling so bad I took more than I was supposed to of the lower ones and my prescription can not be filled till Tuesday!!!! I am going to talk to the nurse today and see if something can be done. My pain is getting better by the way, I can not believe I tolerated worse last week.
I still can not sleep on my right side......this is getting on my nerves and laying on my back for the treatments still kills me. I think I have 6-8 more treatments to go. Don't know if I have gone halfway yet. I hope not. I was hopeful at halfway I would be pain free. We will see. Also these dam pain pills cause constipation......damn. That makes this pain worse as well. Boy I can not wait for this issue to pass. I am also going to ask the doc if this will come back. I am almost sure it will if the cancer keeps growing, I would just like to know how much relief I can look forward to. But, I am going back on the chemo drugs that killed the cancer and made it shrink last time when these treatments are over I think. I am also taking stronger tumeric, concentrated in a pill form and black seed oil pills that have been proven to prevent the spread and kill cancer cells.
I don't know about those 2. It can't hurt, but I have no idea if they will work or not. Steve Jobs was a very dedicated naturalist. He used natural supplements and other things to treat his cancer. It still got him. My cousin advised me of another natural supplement that shows promise. Hemp oil, but that is very expensive and illegal here still. I am willing to try anything. I have heard that a person can live without their pancreas but have not done any indepth research on how their quality of life would be.
After dealing with this pain for so long, I can now understand how important quality of life is. If I were to be told that there is nothing that can be done about my pain and I would have to live with it till the end. I think I would look for options of going out. I would not be able to/want to live the rest of my life like that. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT giving up, I am NOT going to quit the fight, I AM still very faithful and I AM very strong. The first year I had this beast on the ropes, it has since fought back a little. I am on top of this mutha and will not let up.
With the support of my family, all my friends and help from the Good Lord above. I will beat this thing.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh another thing. I'm so pissed. I have been smoking a lot more since I started getting this pain. The cigs help me cope. The lady don't know and as far as I'm concerned she ain't gonna find out. I do not need to complicate my life any more than it is. If she were to find out, she would be constantly on my back about it and then I would end up tossing her. Don't want to do that, but if it happens, it happens.
Later All
I still can not sleep on my right side......this is getting on my nerves and laying on my back for the treatments still kills me. I think I have 6-8 more treatments to go. Don't know if I have gone halfway yet. I hope not. I was hopeful at halfway I would be pain free. We will see. Also these dam pain pills cause constipation......damn. That makes this pain worse as well. Boy I can not wait for this issue to pass. I am also going to ask the doc if this will come back. I am almost sure it will if the cancer keeps growing, I would just like to know how much relief I can look forward to. But, I am going back on the chemo drugs that killed the cancer and made it shrink last time when these treatments are over I think. I am also taking stronger tumeric, concentrated in a pill form and black seed oil pills that have been proven to prevent the spread and kill cancer cells.
I don't know about those 2. It can't hurt, but I have no idea if they will work or not. Steve Jobs was a very dedicated naturalist. He used natural supplements and other things to treat his cancer. It still got him. My cousin advised me of another natural supplement that shows promise. Hemp oil, but that is very expensive and illegal here still. I am willing to try anything. I have heard that a person can live without their pancreas but have not done any indepth research on how their quality of life would be.
After dealing with this pain for so long, I can now understand how important quality of life is. If I were to be told that there is nothing that can be done about my pain and I would have to live with it till the end. I think I would look for options of going out. I would not be able to/want to live the rest of my life like that. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT giving up, I am NOT going to quit the fight, I AM still very faithful and I AM very strong. The first year I had this beast on the ropes, it has since fought back a little. I am on top of this mutha and will not let up.
With the support of my family, all my friends and help from the Good Lord above. I will beat this thing.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh another thing. I'm so pissed. I have been smoking a lot more since I started getting this pain. The cigs help me cope. The lady don't know and as far as I'm concerned she ain't gonna find out. I do not need to complicate my life any more than it is. If she were to find out, she would be constantly on my back about it and then I would end up tossing her. Don't want to do that, but if it happens, it happens.
Later All
Thursday, August 29
Feeling better
I am feeling very better today. Today was a good day. I went in for radiation treatment and they gave me another unit of blood. This time I insisted they put me in a room with a bed. That worked out very well. While they were giving me blood I was able to lay down and take a nap. I still can't sit in a recliner, that causes pain. I have to either lay on my left side, or sit up. Laying on the table doing the radiation hurt like hell, I have to lay on my back for that. I am very hopeful that goes away too.
Well, here we go again. I'm not dumping my girl. We talked tonight. I did not let her know how close I was but, we talked. This pain that I been having has really fucked with my head. I still feel I need a break from her. Hell, we have been together 24x7 constantly for almost 1 1/2 years. That would put any relationship to the test. I am just not going to take her complaints with a grain of salt anymore, if she complains, I'm gonna fire right back, rudely if need be. She is causing me way too much stress. I need to stop her from doing that pronto.
I'm feeling normal right now. This is the best I have felt in about a month. I have lost a lot of weight due to this. I am down to 264. That is the less I have weighed in a very long time. I am hoping next week at this time I have regained my appetite. Today is the first day in about month that I have ate 3 meals. So I hope that continues. I ain't going anywhere.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!
Well, here we go again. I'm not dumping my girl. We talked tonight. I did not let her know how close I was but, we talked. This pain that I been having has really fucked with my head. I still feel I need a break from her. Hell, we have been together 24x7 constantly for almost 1 1/2 years. That would put any relationship to the test. I am just not going to take her complaints with a grain of salt anymore, if she complains, I'm gonna fire right back, rudely if need be. She is causing me way too much stress. I need to stop her from doing that pronto.
I'm feeling normal right now. This is the best I have felt in about a month. I have lost a lot of weight due to this. I am down to 264. That is the less I have weighed in a very long time. I am hoping next week at this time I have regained my appetite. Today is the first day in about month that I have ate 3 meals. So I hope that continues. I ain't going anywhere.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 27
Mistake
I am beginning to realize my mistake. I never should have moved that stupid chick out of scumtown. Now, my primary goal is going to be to get her ass out of here and get her ass back there where she belongs. I am sick and tired of dealing with her. I know I have been saying that in this blog since the beginning. I usually get pissed at something.....rant about it on here and get over it in a few days. This time is different. It has been a few days since she initially pissed me off, I.m not over. Far from it, I'm worse actually.
I said earlier that all I was waiting for was a reason....well, I almost have it. I have spoken with my boss and my folks. I can work from up there. My mother wants to come and get me. She thinks the lady ain't doing enough or good enough job taking care of me. She's right.
This chick I'm with has constantly been getting dumber. Some of the shit she asks me to do for her is so fucking normal and menial, it's makes me want to ask.....what the fuck did you do before you met me?
She maybe just lazy. It would not surprise me, both her fucking sons are.
I'm tired of dealing with this stupid bitch. I'm done. I'm dumping her this weekend.
I said earlier that all I was waiting for was a reason....well, I almost have it. I have spoken with my boss and my folks. I can work from up there. My mother wants to come and get me. She thinks the lady ain't doing enough or good enough job taking care of me. She's right.
This chick I'm with has constantly been getting dumber. Some of the shit she asks me to do for her is so fucking normal and menial, it's makes me want to ask.....what the fuck did you do before you met me?
She maybe just lazy. It would not surprise me, both her fucking sons are.
I'm tired of dealing with this stupid bitch. I'm done. I'm dumping her this weekend.
Monday, August 26
I ain't dumping my lady
Had my radiation treatment today. It felt good. I have a little pain right now, but nothing compared to this last weekend. I also found out why I been feeling so shitty the past few days. My blood count is very very low. The doc is probably going to give me blood tomorrow.
I have been sleeping all day. Going back to bed when I get done with this. I ain't dumping my lady. That was the pain talking. Her sons on the other hand can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.
I have been sleeping all day. Going back to bed when I get done with this. I ain't dumping my lady. That was the pain talking. Her sons on the other hand can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.
Sunday, August 25
My Girlfriends Worthless Sons
Well, It's time for another rant about how fucking worthless my girlfriends sons are. I'm calling her my girlfriend and not my wife at this time because I am actually getting real sick of her and her brood. I'm thinking about cutting the ties.
They are all from scumtown, I'm from scumtown and am ashamed of it. The reason I call this place scumtown is, that's all that live in it. Lazy scum, period. I would say 95% of the population of that town and area are on welfare and collecting state aid. My parents and my family never did as far as I know. My dad always worked.
Anyways, she has one son that lives up there and one son that lives down here. The one down here is currently in jail and to tell you the truth, that's a good place for him. He never has supported himself, never. He had his mom support him, then found a girlfriend that worked to support him and ended up marrying her.
The guy is in his mid 30's and has never had a drivers license. The one up north at least has that, but that's about it. He is doing the same thing. Having his girlfriend work while he sits at home on his ass. Since I have been with my girl his girlfriend has always had a job, he has had at least 20. He gets the job, works for a couple weeks, then gets canned. It's always somebody elses fault. Fuk that, he's a lazy fucking good for nothing worthless bum.
Both of my girlfriends sons are doing this. Letting women support them. I'm getting really really tired of dealing with the scum too. I'm at the point right now to just h\ask my lady to leave. I don't want her here any longer. I certainly do not need her here. I can take care of myself.
I'm just looking/waiting for an excuse. She, her sons, whatever pisses me off....it's over.
There is not one good thing I can say about her worthless sons. Not one. They are both idiots. They can not even join the military now. I don't even think they are worth taking a bullet for this country.
The lady is getting on my nerves really bad as well. She stacks things. She bitches she wants something......goes on and on about it. She gets it and then piles it in a corner somewhere, never to be touched again. Our fucking kitchen is turning into a dam obstacle course. I told her that the upstairs is hers. It is. But if she don't start to clean up her fucking piles, there are about 7-8 of them through out the house. I'm fucking throwing the shit out. I moved this chick out of scumtown. I am starting to think I never should have.
I can sell this fucking house, get a cheap appartment and enjoy the rest of my life. I know I will make a profit on this place. 1. I got it at a pretty good price. 2. Have since made a bum\nch of improvements, especially fenced in the backyard. That alone added 5-6 grand onto it. 3. The place is only 10 years old.
Getting back to her worthless sons. I can not understand how the two scum bums can live with themselves. Letting a women support them? Shit. I know they both have no pride, they must not. I have told both of them exactly what I think of them, so they know never to ask me for anything. I was taught at a very young age a man takes care of his own. A man takes care of his family. If he can not care for a family, he does not start one. Period. It's the mans job to support the family. Her 2 sons are pitiful wussbags. They both have different fathers. The fact that they both turned out the same leads me to believe the fathers aint worth a shit either. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I would love to meet these 2 clowns. I would bitch slap the both of them.
I ain't gonna dump my girlfriend over her 2 sons. Ain't gonna dump her at all. I am however not going to be as easy to live with. I am not going to be the all caring, compassionate, thoughtful guy anymore. I'm gonna start to focus more on myself. I feel I deserve it.
*******************************UPDATE **************************
Well It's been a few days since that post above. I wanted to add a bit to it. I don't think my girlfriends sons got their lazyness from their fathers. I think it may have been passed onto them from the worthless mom. I have been noticing a few things the past days that I should have noticed a long time ago, but was blinded by compassion and pity I suppose. My girl is fucking lazy. All she does all day is sit on her ass and watch TV. Granted she may be in pain, but hell. All fucking day? Everyday? She don't even get dressed some days. Stays in her pajammas.
She is really getting on my nerves. We ARE going up north next month. She is going to stay a week or 2. I need a break. If she does not agree. I am going to refuse to bring her back. I'm done with this shit.
They are all from scumtown, I'm from scumtown and am ashamed of it. The reason I call this place scumtown is, that's all that live in it. Lazy scum, period. I would say 95% of the population of that town and area are on welfare and collecting state aid. My parents and my family never did as far as I know. My dad always worked.
Anyways, she has one son that lives up there and one son that lives down here. The one down here is currently in jail and to tell you the truth, that's a good place for him. He never has supported himself, never. He had his mom support him, then found a girlfriend that worked to support him and ended up marrying her.
The guy is in his mid 30's and has never had a drivers license. The one up north at least has that, but that's about it. He is doing the same thing. Having his girlfriend work while he sits at home on his ass. Since I have been with my girl his girlfriend has always had a job, he has had at least 20. He gets the job, works for a couple weeks, then gets canned. It's always somebody elses fault. Fuk that, he's a lazy fucking good for nothing worthless bum.
Both of my girlfriends sons are doing this. Letting women support them. I'm getting really really tired of dealing with the scum too. I'm at the point right now to just h\ask my lady to leave. I don't want her here any longer. I certainly do not need her here. I can take care of myself.
I'm just looking/waiting for an excuse. She, her sons, whatever pisses me off....it's over.
There is not one good thing I can say about her worthless sons. Not one. They are both idiots. They can not even join the military now. I don't even think they are worth taking a bullet for this country.
The lady is getting on my nerves really bad as well. She stacks things. She bitches she wants something......goes on and on about it. She gets it and then piles it in a corner somewhere, never to be touched again. Our fucking kitchen is turning into a dam obstacle course. I told her that the upstairs is hers. It is. But if she don't start to clean up her fucking piles, there are about 7-8 of them through out the house. I'm fucking throwing the shit out. I moved this chick out of scumtown. I am starting to think I never should have.
I can sell this fucking house, get a cheap appartment and enjoy the rest of my life. I know I will make a profit on this place. 1. I got it at a pretty good price. 2. Have since made a bum\nch of improvements, especially fenced in the backyard. That alone added 5-6 grand onto it. 3. The place is only 10 years old.
Getting back to her worthless sons. I can not understand how the two scum bums can live with themselves. Letting a women support them? Shit. I know they both have no pride, they must not. I have told both of them exactly what I think of them, so they know never to ask me for anything. I was taught at a very young age a man takes care of his own. A man takes care of his family. If he can not care for a family, he does not start one. Period. It's the mans job to support the family. Her 2 sons are pitiful wussbags. They both have different fathers. The fact that they both turned out the same leads me to believe the fathers aint worth a shit either. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I would love to meet these 2 clowns. I would bitch slap the both of them.
I ain't gonna dump my girlfriend over her 2 sons. Ain't gonna dump her at all. I am however not going to be as easy to live with. I am not going to be the all caring, compassionate, thoughtful guy anymore. I'm gonna start to focus more on myself. I feel I deserve it.
*******************************UPDATE **************************
Well It's been a few days since that post above. I wanted to add a bit to it. I don't think my girlfriends sons got their lazyness from their fathers. I think it may have been passed onto them from the worthless mom. I have been noticing a few things the past days that I should have noticed a long time ago, but was blinded by compassion and pity I suppose. My girl is fucking lazy. All she does all day is sit on her ass and watch TV. Granted she may be in pain, but hell. All fucking day? Everyday? She don't even get dressed some days. Stays in her pajammas.
She is really getting on my nerves. We ARE going up north next month. She is going to stay a week or 2. I need a break. If she does not agree. I am going to refuse to bring her back. I'm done with this shit.
Friday, August 23
I'm Back
My PC died. Had to get a new one. Alot has happened in the last few weeks.
Other than the PC going tits up, I got some bad news 3 weeks ago. For the last few weeks I have been getting this pain in my right side. It consistently got worse. My doc initially thought it was a muscle pull. Went back a week later and told him it was worse. They took a CT scan. My cancer has woke up and started growing again. Not much, just a little bit, but it started growing.
That has been 3 weeks ago. The pain in my right side is due to a spot on my liver that is rubbing against my diaphragm and the sac containing my liver. I have been taking radiation treatments daily to shrink that spot and relieve the pain. I have had 3 treatments so far. It's helping. I'm not pain free yet, far from it, but I am improving. I have about 10 treatments to go and I am hopeful they work. I really like the radiation doc. He kinda looks like Dustin Hoffman and talks like a hippy. LOL. He's a very good doc I think.
Been taking my daily chemo pill, so I'm still fighting this beast and will continue. Basically I'm back at square one.....Oh well.
Me and the wife have started collecting hot wheel cars, lol. For a few years now I have been wanting to replace the ones I had as a kid. Now, I'm doing it. What surprised me though was how my wife has taken to it. She loves little cars. I never knew that. It's great. Finally something we can do together, both enjoy and is inexpensive. She is in charge of the unopened stuff....me, I open mine. I like to hold them, display them and hell, play with them....LOL. I got a track and we race sometimes.....It's great! She is more excited about them than I am I think....that's cool. Also the new ones look really, really cool. They are making more 70's muscle cars and the paint jobs on these little cars is amazing. I really like the ones of real cars, and the 70's vans. The 70's style vans are my favorites. Right now, my wife has more of them than I do.....LOL. I am going to collect the set, try to get every one. She is only buying the ones that she likes. I am not going to open the set ones. I have built a peg board in the basement that I hang them on, like at the store. I'm getting a camera soon as well so should have some pics up.
That's it. Besides the pain in my right side, I feel fine. That is being treated so I just gotta get by and hope the treatments get rid of it. I had heard cancer was a very painful disease. I never understood why. Now I do.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!
Other than the PC going tits up, I got some bad news 3 weeks ago. For the last few weeks I have been getting this pain in my right side. It consistently got worse. My doc initially thought it was a muscle pull. Went back a week later and told him it was worse. They took a CT scan. My cancer has woke up and started growing again. Not much, just a little bit, but it started growing.
That has been 3 weeks ago. The pain in my right side is due to a spot on my liver that is rubbing against my diaphragm and the sac containing my liver. I have been taking radiation treatments daily to shrink that spot and relieve the pain. I have had 3 treatments so far. It's helping. I'm not pain free yet, far from it, but I am improving. I have about 10 treatments to go and I am hopeful they work. I really like the radiation doc. He kinda looks like Dustin Hoffman and talks like a hippy. LOL. He's a very good doc I think.
Been taking my daily chemo pill, so I'm still fighting this beast and will continue. Basically I'm back at square one.....Oh well.
Me and the wife have started collecting hot wheel cars, lol. For a few years now I have been wanting to replace the ones I had as a kid. Now, I'm doing it. What surprised me though was how my wife has taken to it. She loves little cars. I never knew that. It's great. Finally something we can do together, both enjoy and is inexpensive. She is in charge of the unopened stuff....me, I open mine. I like to hold them, display them and hell, play with them....LOL. I got a track and we race sometimes.....It's great! She is more excited about them than I am I think....that's cool. Also the new ones look really, really cool. They are making more 70's muscle cars and the paint jobs on these little cars is amazing. I really like the ones of real cars, and the 70's vans. The 70's style vans are my favorites. Right now, my wife has more of them than I do.....LOL. I am going to collect the set, try to get every one. She is only buying the ones that she likes. I am not going to open the set ones. I have built a peg board in the basement that I hang them on, like at the store. I'm getting a camera soon as well so should have some pics up.
That's it. Besides the pain in my right side, I feel fine. That is being treated so I just gotta get by and hope the treatments get rid of it. I had heard cancer was a very painful disease. I never understood why. Now I do.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!
Sunday, July 21
County Fair
Did the county fair tonight. Man, I'm beat. It was hotter than hell out there. The kid had a great time. It was the same drill this year. Paid 10 bucks to get in, he could ride all the rides he wanted to. They wanted 10 bucks for the baby too, if she was going to ride rides, I said screw that. She is only 1 so, she don't know what the hell is going on. Maybe in a couple years.
Had my corn dog. It sucked. Tried 1 from two different places. They both sucked. The demolition derby was crap. They only had 4 cars running and the track for them was about as big as my back yard. What a rip. Man, I'm glad I didn't have to pay extra to see that farce. I would have demanded my money back.
Walking around that fair really did me in. I was tired, hot and not in a very good mood. I put a smile on my face though for the kid and the lady. This was the little baby's first carnival. I think she had a fun time, as far as baby's go I guess. I did see a New York pizza stand, was gonna try that, but I was full.
Went and seen a regular family doc last week, I have Diabetes. He looked at my family history and told me it was only a matter of time. I was going to get it 100 % sooner or later. So, it's not the cancer that gave it to me. He told me the regular stuff, gotta loose weight, watch what I eat, no sugar drinks...... Well, I ain't been drinking sugar drinks for about 3 weeks now. Only a couple every now and then. I gotta take pills and check my blood sugar 3-4 times a week now. Oh well. He did say by blood pressure was excellent.
I think cutting out the regular soda will work in the weight dept. Don't know, we will see. Went to the flea market today too. Didn't find crap. I told the lady I wanted to be on the road by 9:30. I wanted to get there as they opened. Then I heard this lady saying that she had been there since 5, ha! Man, there ain't nothing at a dam flea market that I want bad enough that's gonna make me drag my ass out of bad at 5 to be there, screw that. I did see a guy selling a Genisis for 15 bucks with a few games. I would have got it but he didn't have any controllers. On the way to the flea market we past at least 5-6 yard sales. Should have stopped at those instead. I think next Sat, that's what we will do, screw that dam flea market. All they have is over priced junk.
Feeling ok tonight, normal. Tried to lay down and get some sleep, but I drank a diet Mt Dew a few hours ago.....didn't realize what I was doing, so I'm up now. Don't feel like working either. I should have tried that New York pizza stand. Crap.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!
Had my corn dog. It sucked. Tried 1 from two different places. They both sucked. The demolition derby was crap. They only had 4 cars running and the track for them was about as big as my back yard. What a rip. Man, I'm glad I didn't have to pay extra to see that farce. I would have demanded my money back.
Walking around that fair really did me in. I was tired, hot and not in a very good mood. I put a smile on my face though for the kid and the lady. This was the little baby's first carnival. I think she had a fun time, as far as baby's go I guess. I did see a New York pizza stand, was gonna try that, but I was full.
Went and seen a regular family doc last week, I have Diabetes. He looked at my family history and told me it was only a matter of time. I was going to get it 100 % sooner or later. So, it's not the cancer that gave it to me. He told me the regular stuff, gotta loose weight, watch what I eat, no sugar drinks...... Well, I ain't been drinking sugar drinks for about 3 weeks now. Only a couple every now and then. I gotta take pills and check my blood sugar 3-4 times a week now. Oh well. He did say by blood pressure was excellent.
I think cutting out the regular soda will work in the weight dept. Don't know, we will see. Went to the flea market today too. Didn't find crap. I told the lady I wanted to be on the road by 9:30. I wanted to get there as they opened. Then I heard this lady saying that she had been there since 5, ha! Man, there ain't nothing at a dam flea market that I want bad enough that's gonna make me drag my ass out of bad at 5 to be there, screw that. I did see a guy selling a Genisis for 15 bucks with a few games. I would have got it but he didn't have any controllers. On the way to the flea market we past at least 5-6 yard sales. Should have stopped at those instead. I think next Sat, that's what we will do, screw that dam flea market. All they have is over priced junk.
Feeling ok tonight, normal. Tried to lay down and get some sleep, but I drank a diet Mt Dew a few hours ago.....didn't realize what I was doing, so I'm up now. Don't feel like working either. I should have tried that New York pizza stand. Crap.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!
Monday, July 15
Blood Sugar Problem
I have a blood sugar problem. It's high. Went in last week after fasting and it was 250. The normal is around 100. I asked the Doc if I have Diabetes and he said No, but I'm on the way. He said I have to get my blood sugar under control. He asked me if I have a family doctor and I said no. Never had any use for one. I never had nothing wrong with me, besides a cold every now and then, it's when I got this cancer is when I came to see the Doc.
Well, he set me up with an appointment with a family Doc here in town. I guess he is going to treat me for my blood sugar. I have been drinking diet soda and sugar free drinks since last Tuesday. I really like diet Mt. Dew, as far as anything else I have tried Coke Zero and it's ok. Been kinda watching what I eat as well. No more sugar cereal in the morning, been eating Special K. I love that stuff anyways with no sugar on it. The Doc also said I need to loose some weight, I'll talk that over with my regular cancer Doc first. I think just cutting out the sugar drinks is going to make me loose some pounds. I was drinking about 4-5 cans a day. Now I'm drinking diet soda and more ice water. I should cut the soda out all together, but I really like flavored drinks.
Found a few SNES carts at the Goodwill a few days ago and a few PS2 games.I think there is somebody else in this town collecting as well, Goodwill looked pretty picked over. Nothing but sports titles. Went to a few thrift stores today, nothing. I'm gonna have to hit the stores up in the city when we go. This little town really don't have that many thrift, Goodwills. We have 1 Goodwill and 2 thrift stores that I am aware of and 2 pawn shops. I hit one pawn shop the other day, they had alot of PS3 and PS2 titles along with X-Box and X-Box 360 but they wanted 5 bucks each. I ain't paying that for a game. Only if I really want it, or it's rare and I can flip it fast. Have not seen anything on Craigslist for video games in my town either. I may see if the lady wants to hit a few yard sales on Friday.
Well, the county fair starts tonight. We are not going tonight. It's the first night and I don't really feel like dealing with a large crowd. Besides, it's hotter than hell out there right now. I told the lady and the kid we would probably go tomorrow night or the day after. It's up to how the lady feels. We are going though, sooner or later. I gotta get my yearly fair corn dog. I missed out on it last year. The kid is pretty excited. If they follow the same plan like last year, we just pay a ten spot to get in each and the kid gets a hand stamp and can ride all the rides he wants, as many times as well. I wonder how much they are going to charge for the baby. I'm gonna fall over if they charge 10 for her....LOL.
The Chemo drugs are hitting me hard again. I slept most of the night Saturday night, all day Sunday, and all night Sunday night. I slept for 36 hours I think. Man I was tired. The only reason I got up today when I did is the lady came in and said a hose on the pool had sprung a leak and was spraying water into the air. Went out there and sure enough, it was spraying in the air...LOL. Boy, I'm glad I had an extra hose. That extra one had been here since we got the house, I had no idea if it had a hole in it or not. Swapped it out, no leaks. Sweet. I'm glad. I really didn't feel like going to get another one, let alone deal with the asshole that owns the local pool store. That's a story for another post.
Well, that's where I stand. I have a blood sugar problem, but I feel alright. Tired, but normal. I go see the family doc in a few days and I will find out what he wants me to do and how he's gong to treat me. I hope it's just taking pills. I really don't want to have to take daily shots again. I'm fighting and still here. Ready to do anything to beat this beast!
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!
Well, he set me up with an appointment with a family Doc here in town. I guess he is going to treat me for my blood sugar. I have been drinking diet soda and sugar free drinks since last Tuesday. I really like diet Mt. Dew, as far as anything else I have tried Coke Zero and it's ok. Been kinda watching what I eat as well. No more sugar cereal in the morning, been eating Special K. I love that stuff anyways with no sugar on it. The Doc also said I need to loose some weight, I'll talk that over with my regular cancer Doc first. I think just cutting out the sugar drinks is going to make me loose some pounds. I was drinking about 4-5 cans a day. Now I'm drinking diet soda and more ice water. I should cut the soda out all together, but I really like flavored drinks.
Found a few SNES carts at the Goodwill a few days ago and a few PS2 games.I think there is somebody else in this town collecting as well, Goodwill looked pretty picked over. Nothing but sports titles. Went to a few thrift stores today, nothing. I'm gonna have to hit the stores up in the city when we go. This little town really don't have that many thrift, Goodwills. We have 1 Goodwill and 2 thrift stores that I am aware of and 2 pawn shops. I hit one pawn shop the other day, they had alot of PS3 and PS2 titles along with X-Box and X-Box 360 but they wanted 5 bucks each. I ain't paying that for a game. Only if I really want it, or it's rare and I can flip it fast. Have not seen anything on Craigslist for video games in my town either. I may see if the lady wants to hit a few yard sales on Friday.
Well, the county fair starts tonight. We are not going tonight. It's the first night and I don't really feel like dealing with a large crowd. Besides, it's hotter than hell out there right now. I told the lady and the kid we would probably go tomorrow night or the day after. It's up to how the lady feels. We are going though, sooner or later. I gotta get my yearly fair corn dog. I missed out on it last year. The kid is pretty excited. If they follow the same plan like last year, we just pay a ten spot to get in each and the kid gets a hand stamp and can ride all the rides he wants, as many times as well. I wonder how much they are going to charge for the baby. I'm gonna fall over if they charge 10 for her....LOL.
The Chemo drugs are hitting me hard again. I slept most of the night Saturday night, all day Sunday, and all night Sunday night. I slept for 36 hours I think. Man I was tired. The only reason I got up today when I did is the lady came in and said a hose on the pool had sprung a leak and was spraying water into the air. Went out there and sure enough, it was spraying in the air...LOL. Boy, I'm glad I had an extra hose. That extra one had been here since we got the house, I had no idea if it had a hole in it or not. Swapped it out, no leaks. Sweet. I'm glad. I really didn't feel like going to get another one, let alone deal with the asshole that owns the local pool store. That's a story for another post.
Well, that's where I stand. I have a blood sugar problem, but I feel alright. Tired, but normal. I go see the family doc in a few days and I will find out what he wants me to do and how he's gong to treat me. I hope it's just taking pills. I really don't want to have to take daily shots again. I'm fighting and still here. Ready to do anything to beat this beast!
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!
Wednesday, July 10
Did Chemo Yesterday
The title says it. I went in. Wasn't too bad. Didn't take that long either. My regular Doc is on vacation. So I had another guy. Older. The nurse told me that he has been a cancer Doc for 30 years, so that's cool. He knows what he is doing.....I hope anyways.
They took my blood to test it, like they always do. They have to see if my platelet count is up enough for my treatment. Well, the Doc came in and said I have a problem with my blood sugar. It was way too high. He said a normal level is around 100, mine was 500!!!! Dam. I told him that I do drink alot of sugary drinks and he said that would affect my blood sugar big time. He wants me to come back in on Friday after I have fasted. Not eat or drank anything for awhile. This could be caused by the chemo drugs they are giving me as well he also told me. We will see.
So, I have not had any soda since. Been drinking ice water and diet powerade. I hate diet soda but now I have no choice. I do not want this blood sugar problem to get in the way of my treatment, so no sugar drinks no more. I think after a couple weeks I'll get used to diet soda and diet drinks, I'm not looking forward to those 2 weeks though. I love having an ice cold Coke with my food, especially pizza, oh well. That's part of getting older I guess. I just hope I continue to get older......LOL, if you know what I mean.
I feel ok. Normal I would say. I'm tired as hell, like always. I think my taste buds are normal, I did have a nasty taste when I had a couple pickles with my meal a couple days ago. I love having pickles with my meals. My dad does too, he got me started on it. If it's just pickles affected that's way cool. I can live with that. Gonna try and start eating a little more healthier, not that I don't eat healthy now. I think I do. I just skip meals. Like there are some days when I only eat one. Most of the time I usually eat 2 meals a day. This morning I had an orange powerade and water melon for breakfast. I sometimes eat cereal, some sugar kind and no sugar kind. I would say my favorite cereal would be Special K, I eat that alot with no sugar. I like Rice Chex too, also with no sugar. So I think I got breakfast covered. I think I will just cut down on carbs for the rest of my meals.
I did not mention this, but my X-Box broke awhile ago. It stopped reading discs. Well I got a real good deal on E-bay for a replacement a couple days ago. They were selling a working X-Box and all the cables for 9.99 with 13.00 bucks shipping. I found the auction with 1 hour left, no bids, so I watched it. I didn't bid. It got down to 2 minutes left, no bids so I bid 9.99. Thought twice about it and increased my bid to 17.00 bucks. 30 bucks for a working X-Box is still a deal. Well, I didn't really need to increase my bid, nobody else bid on it and I won. Cool. 24.00 bucks for an X-Box. That's a dam good deal. Got it in the mail yesterday, hooked it up......Gold! It worked. Awesome. I looked on the shipping label. The poor guy lost money on the deal. It cost him 24.87 to send it to me. Oh well. Now, I've learned this from buying these types of systems in the past. There is a pretty good chance that there might be a game inside. Opened it up and sure enough there was. Halo 2. Sweet. That's a popular game. I hate playing it, I don't like first person shooters. I'm pretty sure I could sell it for a couple bucks....hell I got it for free. Bonus!! Oh and BTW, this is an original X-Box I'm talking about. I don't do the new crap....it's way too expensive.
Well, that's what's going on in my neck of the woods. I'll know Friday if I have a blood sugar issue or not. I'm watching what I eat and drink these next couple days. I hope I don't I'll let you all know.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!
They took my blood to test it, like they always do. They have to see if my platelet count is up enough for my treatment. Well, the Doc came in and said I have a problem with my blood sugar. It was way too high. He said a normal level is around 100, mine was 500!!!! Dam. I told him that I do drink alot of sugary drinks and he said that would affect my blood sugar big time. He wants me to come back in on Friday after I have fasted. Not eat or drank anything for awhile. This could be caused by the chemo drugs they are giving me as well he also told me. We will see.
So, I have not had any soda since. Been drinking ice water and diet powerade. I hate diet soda but now I have no choice. I do not want this blood sugar problem to get in the way of my treatment, so no sugar drinks no more. I think after a couple weeks I'll get used to diet soda and diet drinks, I'm not looking forward to those 2 weeks though. I love having an ice cold Coke with my food, especially pizza, oh well. That's part of getting older I guess. I just hope I continue to get older......LOL, if you know what I mean.
I feel ok. Normal I would say. I'm tired as hell, like always. I think my taste buds are normal, I did have a nasty taste when I had a couple pickles with my meal a couple days ago. I love having pickles with my meals. My dad does too, he got me started on it. If it's just pickles affected that's way cool. I can live with that. Gonna try and start eating a little more healthier, not that I don't eat healthy now. I think I do. I just skip meals. Like there are some days when I only eat one. Most of the time I usually eat 2 meals a day. This morning I had an orange powerade and water melon for breakfast. I sometimes eat cereal, some sugar kind and no sugar kind. I would say my favorite cereal would be Special K, I eat that alot with no sugar. I like Rice Chex too, also with no sugar. So I think I got breakfast covered. I think I will just cut down on carbs for the rest of my meals.
I did not mention this, but my X-Box broke awhile ago. It stopped reading discs. Well I got a real good deal on E-bay for a replacement a couple days ago. They were selling a working X-Box and all the cables for 9.99 with 13.00 bucks shipping. I found the auction with 1 hour left, no bids, so I watched it. I didn't bid. It got down to 2 minutes left, no bids so I bid 9.99. Thought twice about it and increased my bid to 17.00 bucks. 30 bucks for a working X-Box is still a deal. Well, I didn't really need to increase my bid, nobody else bid on it and I won. Cool. 24.00 bucks for an X-Box. That's a dam good deal. Got it in the mail yesterday, hooked it up......Gold! It worked. Awesome. I looked on the shipping label. The poor guy lost money on the deal. It cost him 24.87 to send it to me. Oh well. Now, I've learned this from buying these types of systems in the past. There is a pretty good chance that there might be a game inside. Opened it up and sure enough there was. Halo 2. Sweet. That's a popular game. I hate playing it, I don't like first person shooters. I'm pretty sure I could sell it for a couple bucks....hell I got it for free. Bonus!! Oh and BTW, this is an original X-Box I'm talking about. I don't do the new crap....it's way too expensive.
Well, that's what's going on in my neck of the woods. I'll know Friday if I have a blood sugar issue or not. I'm watching what I eat and drink these next couple days. I hope I don't I'll let you all know.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!
Friday, July 5
No Chemo This Week
Didn't do Chemo this week. Went in last Tuesday and they said my blood platelet count was too low. Their cut off is 50, mine were 43. Oh well. The Doc said that's why I have been so tired. I go in next Tuesday, I'll get my cancer drugs then. I been feeling normal. No pain anywhere or anything. Just tired as hell. Oh yeah, the taste buds are back!!!!! WooHoo!! Had a pizza the other night and it was great! Now just gotta go get a Big Mac to see how that tastes. I used to love Big Macs but since the taste bud crap, they have tasted like total shit to me. I hope it tastes good now and my tastes buds remain normal....I hope, I hope.
Didn't do anything for the 4th, It was raining and crappy out. I slept all day. Watched the few fireworks that the neighbors were lighting off. No biggie. That's one thing I can not understand. The lure of fireworks. Some people go apeshit over them. I just don't see it. I mean the big ones that cities usually shoot off. I called my mom last night, my dad loves watching fireworks. They were at the firework show up in scumtown and she said they had been there for 4 hours waiting. I said crap, really? What for? She said to get a good spot. There were thousands of people there to watch them. She feels the same as I do about fireworks. You seen one, you seen them all...eh. I don't even bother anymore.
I plan on going into the city today if the lady gets out of bed in time. I want to go to a certain pawn shop there that is supposed to have good deals on old video games. We will see. There is also a place I want to talk to about trading some of my vinyl for store credit. They carry old vinyl, used dvds, cds, and video games. Might trade some doubles or some of the ones I don't want for video games. Who knows. If they give me a good price.
Going to put one of my old video game systems in the kids room this weekend. He should like that. That poor kid ain't got nothin at home with his mother. All of his toys are here and his room is just big enough for the queen bed we have in there and a little walk way around one side. He ain't got room for crap. Me and the lady are going to have to get him a smaller bed so he has room for his toys and room to play and stuff. Him and his sister are here now as far as I'm concerned. This is their home. Period. If the mother wants to fight, she's gonna have a big fight on her hands. Gotta get a bed for the baby too. Right now she sleeps in a little playpen in our bedroom. I told the lady that she is probably going to loose her computer room to the baby. She don't mind. She would much rather have the baby here than have a computer room I think.
I really like having the kids here. They bring a breath of life into the house that comforts me. I like watching the little baby and the way her eyes light up when she discovers something new. That makes me feel really good. I'm starting to love them both. Especially the little baby. It brings a tear to my eye sometimes when I get up and walk into the living room, she looks at me and is excited to see me and runs over and says "papa" and wants me to pick her up. I love it when she does that.
I really don't think we are going to have a problem with the mother. She had been putting the kids in daycare while she was working when the 9yr old had school. He got out for summer vacation and we have had them since. When vacation started the mother said that the baby had to go to daycare at least 1 day a week because she did not want to loose her spot at that daycare. I understood, a good close daycare is hard to find. We said cool, no problem. The first week the lady took the baby down there on a Monday no problem. The next week I took the baby. The guy at the desk said that I could not leave her and there was a problem. I said oh yeah? He then told me that they had not been paid in over 2 months. The mother owed them over 200 bucks. I said Ha, that don't surprise me. I told the guy that I would have my wife tell the mother, and she didn't really need day care to begin with. The kids are always welcome with us. Well the lady called the mother, told her the news.....ain't heard nothing back from the mother. That was over a month ago. She has not even called to talk/check on her kids. Do you believe that crap. Well, the kids are loved and being cared for by us. It's going to stay that way.
Well, that's it. LOL, not much going on here. Feeling good and fighting. I'm always gonna fight. I am never going to give up fighting this disease.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!
Didn't do anything for the 4th, It was raining and crappy out. I slept all day. Watched the few fireworks that the neighbors were lighting off. No biggie. That's one thing I can not understand. The lure of fireworks. Some people go apeshit over them. I just don't see it. I mean the big ones that cities usually shoot off. I called my mom last night, my dad loves watching fireworks. They were at the firework show up in scumtown and she said they had been there for 4 hours waiting. I said crap, really? What for? She said to get a good spot. There were thousands of people there to watch them. She feels the same as I do about fireworks. You seen one, you seen them all...eh. I don't even bother anymore.
I plan on going into the city today if the lady gets out of bed in time. I want to go to a certain pawn shop there that is supposed to have good deals on old video games. We will see. There is also a place I want to talk to about trading some of my vinyl for store credit. They carry old vinyl, used dvds, cds, and video games. Might trade some doubles or some of the ones I don't want for video games. Who knows. If they give me a good price.
Going to put one of my old video game systems in the kids room this weekend. He should like that. That poor kid ain't got nothin at home with his mother. All of his toys are here and his room is just big enough for the queen bed we have in there and a little walk way around one side. He ain't got room for crap. Me and the lady are going to have to get him a smaller bed so he has room for his toys and room to play and stuff. Him and his sister are here now as far as I'm concerned. This is their home. Period. If the mother wants to fight, she's gonna have a big fight on her hands. Gotta get a bed for the baby too. Right now she sleeps in a little playpen in our bedroom. I told the lady that she is probably going to loose her computer room to the baby. She don't mind. She would much rather have the baby here than have a computer room I think.
I really like having the kids here. They bring a breath of life into the house that comforts me. I like watching the little baby and the way her eyes light up when she discovers something new. That makes me feel really good. I'm starting to love them both. Especially the little baby. It brings a tear to my eye sometimes when I get up and walk into the living room, she looks at me and is excited to see me and runs over and says "papa" and wants me to pick her up. I love it when she does that.
I really don't think we are going to have a problem with the mother. She had been putting the kids in daycare while she was working when the 9yr old had school. He got out for summer vacation and we have had them since. When vacation started the mother said that the baby had to go to daycare at least 1 day a week because she did not want to loose her spot at that daycare. I understood, a good close daycare is hard to find. We said cool, no problem. The first week the lady took the baby down there on a Monday no problem. The next week I took the baby. The guy at the desk said that I could not leave her and there was a problem. I said oh yeah? He then told me that they had not been paid in over 2 months. The mother owed them over 200 bucks. I said Ha, that don't surprise me. I told the guy that I would have my wife tell the mother, and she didn't really need day care to begin with. The kids are always welcome with us. Well the lady called the mother, told her the news.....ain't heard nothing back from the mother. That was over a month ago. She has not even called to talk/check on her kids. Do you believe that crap. Well, the kids are loved and being cared for by us. It's going to stay that way.
Well, that's it. LOL, not much going on here. Feeling good and fighting. I'm always gonna fight. I am never going to give up fighting this disease.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!
Tuesday, July 2
Doing Fine
Been awhile since my last post. I have been doing ok actually. Started new Chemo drugs last week and there have been no problems. Actually I think these drugs are not screwing with my taste buds as things have been tasting alot better to me. Especially soda. I'm not getting any after taste when I drink a soda now. I have not tried a pizza yet, really ain't been in the mood for one. Probably will next week.
I go in for Chemo today, just waiting for that time to come. I was right in my last post, these Chemo drugs do not take as long as the others I was on to administer, and NO PUMP!!!!! WooHooo!!!
Like I said I'm doing ok. No pain anywhere, I feel normal. I have been doing alot of sleeping the past 2 days. I think I have slept 2 days straight. Only up to eat something then back to bed. The Doc said these new drugs would hit 2x in the blood count dept. My counts go down, I get tired. There is nothing that can be done. That's ok with me. When I work I drink coffee and Mountain Dew, that's how I stay awake, lol. Also chatting with the guys in the office when they are on.
Well, I have the basement how I want it now. Just need to get one more shelf. I have my baseball cards in their place, my records in their place, comic books and non-sports cards in their place as well. I just need to break out my video game systems and hook those up and it will be complete. Picked up a couple nintendo carts at Goodwill a few days ago, I'm gonna have to get off of my lazy ass and start going to yard sales again. Not for baseball cards and comic books, but yard sales are a great place to find records and video games. I still collect all of that stuff, I just do not look for the stuff on ebay, I still look on ebay for video games though. The 127 sale is coming up next month. I hoping to score some good video games finds during that.
The other half of the basement I gave the lady is in total chaos. I have finally figured her out. She's a stacker. She has all these little piles of crap all over the house. The basement is no different. She bitched at me for a whole month how she wanted another shelf down there. Well 3 weeks ago I went out and got her one and told her I would put it together whenever she wanted. The shelf is sitting exactly where I put it when I got it home. I have not touched it, and the lady has not bitched about a shelf either. Man, that burns me. Now I know the lady ain't never gonna be fucking happy unless she is bitching about something. I think most wives are like that actually. I have been spending alot of time down here in the basement. It's peaceful down here. I tell the lady I don't want to be bothered, and that's it. They leave me the fuck alone. It's not that I'm in a bad mood, or pissed off at them or anything, I'm just getting tired of dealing with the kids. I like having them here, and they are going to stay here, it's just sometimes I need my time. I don't know how the lady does it. She has not had anytime to herself since they have been here. That 9 yr old is constantly on her ass. He's a little mamas boy. I have tried to be tough on him but the lady don't like it. She has turned him into a little wuss. He's gonna have problems when he gets older being a little femie wuss like he is. Oh well, I tried. If he gets his ass kicked and wants me to teach him how to fight, I will. I tried to teach him awhile ago and the lady didn't want me too. I'm just glad he's living with us and not his mother. His mother lives in the scum part of town and with him being there it would be only a matter of time till he starts hanging out with the wrong crowd. His mom's a fucking skank and she belongs there, he don't.
Well, nothing much else going on. It's been pretty quiet actually. Feeling normal and doing alot of sleeping...LOL.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!
I go in for Chemo today, just waiting for that time to come. I was right in my last post, these Chemo drugs do not take as long as the others I was on to administer, and NO PUMP!!!!! WooHooo!!!
Like I said I'm doing ok. No pain anywhere, I feel normal. I have been doing alot of sleeping the past 2 days. I think I have slept 2 days straight. Only up to eat something then back to bed. The Doc said these new drugs would hit 2x in the blood count dept. My counts go down, I get tired. There is nothing that can be done. That's ok with me. When I work I drink coffee and Mountain Dew, that's how I stay awake, lol. Also chatting with the guys in the office when they are on.
Well, I have the basement how I want it now. Just need to get one more shelf. I have my baseball cards in their place, my records in their place, comic books and non-sports cards in their place as well. I just need to break out my video game systems and hook those up and it will be complete. Picked up a couple nintendo carts at Goodwill a few days ago, I'm gonna have to get off of my lazy ass and start going to yard sales again. Not for baseball cards and comic books, but yard sales are a great place to find records and video games. I still collect all of that stuff, I just do not look for the stuff on ebay, I still look on ebay for video games though. The 127 sale is coming up next month. I hoping to score some good video games finds during that.
The other half of the basement I gave the lady is in total chaos. I have finally figured her out. She's a stacker. She has all these little piles of crap all over the house. The basement is no different. She bitched at me for a whole month how she wanted another shelf down there. Well 3 weeks ago I went out and got her one and told her I would put it together whenever she wanted. The shelf is sitting exactly where I put it when I got it home. I have not touched it, and the lady has not bitched about a shelf either. Man, that burns me. Now I know the lady ain't never gonna be fucking happy unless she is bitching about something. I think most wives are like that actually. I have been spending alot of time down here in the basement. It's peaceful down here. I tell the lady I don't want to be bothered, and that's it. They leave me the fuck alone. It's not that I'm in a bad mood, or pissed off at them or anything, I'm just getting tired of dealing with the kids. I like having them here, and they are going to stay here, it's just sometimes I need my time. I don't know how the lady does it. She has not had anytime to herself since they have been here. That 9 yr old is constantly on her ass. He's a little mamas boy. I have tried to be tough on him but the lady don't like it. She has turned him into a little wuss. He's gonna have problems when he gets older being a little femie wuss like he is. Oh well, I tried. If he gets his ass kicked and wants me to teach him how to fight, I will. I tried to teach him awhile ago and the lady didn't want me too. I'm just glad he's living with us and not his mother. His mother lives in the scum part of town and with him being there it would be only a matter of time till he starts hanging out with the wrong crowd. His mom's a fucking skank and she belongs there, he don't.
Well, nothing much else going on. It's been pretty quiet actually. Feeling normal and doing alot of sleeping...LOL.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!
Saturday, June 15
CT Scan Results
Got my results yesterday. No new cancer anywhere, no growth anywhere. The cancer is just hanging out. I can live with that. That's great news considering the cancer that I got. The Doc is real happy with my progress and I am relieved. I also gained some weight....woohoo. 8 lbs. I know it's not alot, but it's a start. For the last month and a half everytime I went in it showed a loss. Not this time!!!!
I gotta go get the dog his medicine today, he's starting to get that yeast infection again. The lady says he is starting to stink, I can't smell him yet so I'm gonna get that crap before he gets any worse. Last time it was real bad....I could barely stand it. I was seriously thinking of getting rid of him, I know that sounds bad, but the stench was almost unbearable. It was bad. I have no idea whats causing him to get this crap, the VET don't either. He says the dog is allergic to something, I have been giving him allergy relief pills daily. My dog is a real good dog. We don't have to put the pills in any food or anything, I just put the pill in my hand he comes and licks it up. I love him very much. He's a great dog, I could not have asked for a better one.
The DOC said he is changing my chemo drugs again. Keep this cancer guessing. The good thing is..... NO PUMP!!!!! Yeah!!! I won't have to lug that thing around anymore....woohooo!! I think the treatments will not take as long either. To tell you all the truth, I kinda liked my 6-8 hour treatments every other week. It got me away from the lady, she is really starting to get on my nerves, I think I'm getting on hers as well. We need a break from each other now that I don't go to work. In the past 2 weeks I have almost gotten to the point of just asking her to leave. But, I was just really pissed. I did not tell her anything, just steamed in the basement. I got over it, I love her, I don't want her to leave.......well....maybe for a week, LOL. I tend to fly off of the handle at times....I didn't this time. I kept my mouth shut. To tell you the truth, I would not know what to do if I was alone. I'm glad she and the kids are here.
The baby is calling me papa now....It warms my heart when she does that. She's a little cutey. I have told my lady and the 9 yr old, this is their house. They will always have a place to stay (the kids) as long as I have anything to say in the matter. Those kids deserve a better life.
Well, that's where I stand. It looks as if the cancer is still sleeping, that's cool, I can live with that.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!!!
I gotta go get the dog his medicine today, he's starting to get that yeast infection again. The lady says he is starting to stink, I can't smell him yet so I'm gonna get that crap before he gets any worse. Last time it was real bad....I could barely stand it. I was seriously thinking of getting rid of him, I know that sounds bad, but the stench was almost unbearable. It was bad. I have no idea whats causing him to get this crap, the VET don't either. He says the dog is allergic to something, I have been giving him allergy relief pills daily. My dog is a real good dog. We don't have to put the pills in any food or anything, I just put the pill in my hand he comes and licks it up. I love him very much. He's a great dog, I could not have asked for a better one.
The DOC said he is changing my chemo drugs again. Keep this cancer guessing. The good thing is..... NO PUMP!!!!! Yeah!!! I won't have to lug that thing around anymore....woohooo!! I think the treatments will not take as long either. To tell you all the truth, I kinda liked my 6-8 hour treatments every other week. It got me away from the lady, she is really starting to get on my nerves, I think I'm getting on hers as well. We need a break from each other now that I don't go to work. In the past 2 weeks I have almost gotten to the point of just asking her to leave. But, I was just really pissed. I did not tell her anything, just steamed in the basement. I got over it, I love her, I don't want her to leave.......well....maybe for a week, LOL. I tend to fly off of the handle at times....I didn't this time. I kept my mouth shut. To tell you the truth, I would not know what to do if I was alone. I'm glad she and the kids are here.
The baby is calling me papa now....It warms my heart when she does that. She's a little cutey. I have told my lady and the 9 yr old, this is their house. They will always have a place to stay (the kids) as long as I have anything to say in the matter. Those kids deserve a better life.
Well, that's where I stand. It looks as if the cancer is still sleeping, that's cool, I can live with that.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, June 11
Not Doing Too Bad
Been feeling ok the past few days. Think I'm starting to come down with a cold. For the past day my nose has been stopped up and runny. Man, I hate summer colds.
I go in for another CT scan tomorrow morning. I am not looking forward to drinking that nasty stuff tonight.
Like I said in the last post, I'm starting up my comic collection again. I got a few from the bay and plan on visiting a comic store later today. I have to take the lady into the city for a docs appointment. I wish my town had a comic shop, but it don't. It's a small town.
Well, it's real early in the morning and I have not been to sleep yet.
Feeling good, except for the stopped up nose.
See ya's.
I go in for another CT scan tomorrow morning. I am not looking forward to drinking that nasty stuff tonight.
Like I said in the last post, I'm starting up my comic collection again. I got a few from the bay and plan on visiting a comic store later today. I have to take the lady into the city for a docs appointment. I wish my town had a comic shop, but it don't. It's a small town.
Well, it's real early in the morning and I have not been to sleep yet.
Feeling good, except for the stopped up nose.
See ya's.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)