Monday, April 29

The Buds Are Gone

Went to chemo last week, My taste buds are trashed again. Well, at least I had a couple days to enjoy them anyways. The Doc put me back on my daily chemo pill too. It didn't take that long for chemo this time. They did not give me the stuff that I had a reaction to last time. Still had to lug the pump home though. But, oh well, I am prepared to do anything except hurt somebody to beat this cancer.

The lady is starting to get on my nerves. She has been on this weight loss kick for a few years now and it's starting to get old. She got these fucking books she ordered off of the fucking TV and I swear this so called system is so fucking complicated. She wants my help and hell, I don't even understand some of the crap in there. She weighs herself everyday and if she gains a pound is upset, I and the fucking doctor have told her, her weight is going to fluctuate 4-5 pounds daily. Well, I'm getting sick of it.

Having to deal with cancer is one thing, having to deal with a neurotic girlfriend is another. If that ain't enough on top of the shit pile, she worries about the dam grand kids. I worry a little myself. That fucking mom they have. Every time we get the kids there is something wrong with the baby, cold, ear infection...etc. My lady doctors the baby up and she is in good shape when we send them back. This last time it just broke my heart. That little baby was weezing and caughing......man I got so pissed. I could hear and feel the little thing weeze when breathing when I held her. That dam bitch ain't watching and taking care of her kids. I'm pissed.

The lady has something planed to get the mom out of the picture. I don't know what, but I hope she does it soon before that fucking mom neglects her baby enough for it to die.

If anything happens to those kids.....I will make it a mission in my life to see that bitch executed, or sitting on death row.

Monday, April 22

The BUDS are Back!!!!!!!!

My taste buds are back!!!!!!! WooHoo!!!  I had a pizza last night it was fucking delicious!!!! Even water tastes good now. I can taste mushrooms, ham......man I been eating like a pig. Oh man, this is sweet. But, it is short lived. I go for chemo in 2 days. Well tomorrow actually. Today is Monday morning. Early Monday morning. I don't care. At least I was able to enjoy normal taste buds for a couple days.

I am hoping this little break did not give the cancer time to start growing again. The DOC said it wouldn't but, I'm skeptical. I have not had any pain or anything so that's a good sign. I have even noticed I have a little more energy though out the day. I am finally going to move the crap around in this basement today. I really want to start collecting baseball cards again. Not the new ones, the new ones suck and are too expensive. I am going to concentrate on the pre 1982 ones. I'm going to start to put together the Topps 1968 set. Then go from there.

Other than that, nothing new has happened lately. Been feeling normal. I have been kinda scared with this break and not taking chemo. I don't like just sitting around and not doing anything, knowing that this beast is inside me. I still do take Tumeric daily. I was mixing it with Vegetable juice, but I got some pills that I have been taking the past 2 months. I really think that stuff is helping.

I have been drinking alot of Mexican Coke Cola. They sell it at Walmart and Kroger. It is Coke made with real sugar and in a glass bottle! Oh man, nothing is better than drinking an ice cold Coke Cola out of a glass bottle. It tastes so good. If any of you have not tried it, I suggest you do. You will be surprised. I also found some Pepsi rollback in a glass bottle at Walmart. So, I did a little taste test. (remember The Pepsi Challenge?) Coke vs Pepsi. Coke got it hands down for me. The Pepsi was just too sweet.  Walmart is also selling Mountain Dew rollback in the glass bottles as well. I really like that stuff. It's really good, tastes alot better out of a glass bottle. If you would like to try the Mexican Coke, both Kroger and Walmart sell it in the Hispanic food aisle.

The lady and I have been getting the kids every weekend. We had them over Easter Break. What really burns me up is........when we got the kids, the baby was sicker than a dog. Had a really bad cold, ear infection. She had 3-4 different medicines that she had to take. Well, my lady doctored her up real good. By the time it was time for the kids to go back with their mother the little baby was fine. That was 2 weeks ago. We got the kids a couple days ago. My lady noticed the other night the baby had a fever. She gave her some medicine and she went back to sleep. Yesterday the little baby had a fever again......WTF!!! That dam mom ain't taking care of the baby or something. We get her healed up, give her to the mom, she gets sick again. I told that bitch if I find out she is neglecting those kids, and if anything happens to them....I'm gonna put her ass in jail. I'm pissed. Those kids deserve soooo much better. My lady told me tonight, the 9yr old has a bed kinda finally. The bitch mom went and got a new mattress for the boyfriend, and guess where the old one went. To the 9yr old. Now instead of sleeping on the couch, he is sleeping on a mattress on the floor. My lady says she is working on getting those kids and having the mom thrown in jail. I hope she hurries up and it works. Those kids deserve a better life.

Tuesday, April 16

Still Tastes Like Shit

It's been 3 weeks now since I have had any chemo drugs. My tastes buds are still outta wack!! This sucks. I feel ok, normal. No pain anywhere, and bathroom breaks are normal, so I'm good there. It's these dam taste buds. I can really only enjoy half of my meals, 1 day I will eat something it will be good, the next I'll eat something else and have to force it down because it tastes like crap. That can go from meal to meal as well, breakfast will be crappy, lunch good, dinner good...etc. It's not the same foods either. One day I could have an apple and it will be really good, the next day....crappy. The only constant is pizza. Pizza tastes like crap all the time. My favorite food......!!!! Eh, I still have steak, every time I have had a steak it has been good so that's ok I guess. I was really looking forward to getting some good pizza. Guess I am going to have to wait till I beat this, AND I AM GOING TO BEAT IT!!!!.

I have discovered doughnuts and coffee. Usually I would have a glass of milk with a few doughnuts, but the past 2-3 days I have been having them in the morning with my coffee. I would have to say I like doughnuts with coffee better than with milk. Don't know why it took me 40 freaking years to discover that little fact....LOL. So, I have been on a doughnut kick the past few days. I hope that will help me gain some of my weight back, that little loss had me kind of worried.

Well, that's about it for new stuff. Everything has been the same around here lately. The lawn guy has been here 2x so far. That dam grass is growing fast this year. I have been looking at my summer nemesis (the pool) it's in bad shape right now. I did not cover it last fall so there are a bunch of leaves in it and the water is green. It's going to take me at least a day to get that thing up and running. The lady has already started harping on me about it. I ain't gonna take it this year. If she starts to get on my nerves I'm just gonna tell her to be quiet, I'll do it when I'm ready. 

I figured not having chemo for a few weeks my energy levels would start to return to normal. They have not.
I'm still tired all the time. I have been having a real hard time falling to sleep. I'm tired so I go to bed. Then I lay there for 3-4 hours. I don't fall asleep. Think I'm gonna try that unisom crap. It sucks just laying there trying to sleep and then you don't.

I gotta take the lady into town today to see her quack doctor. Man I wish she would get a doc in town. She see's 3 doctors in the fucking city, 2 don't do crap for her. The only one she see's that is worth a crap is her foot doctor. The other 2 suck. She refuses to get doctors here in town. I bet if I made her drive herself to these dam doctors she would change her tune real quick. I love my lady, I ain't gonna do that. She goes through enough. She is constantly in pain, I wish there is something more I could do for her.

Wednesday, April 10

Something Ain't Right

Had a little problem at chemo today. When I go to chemo, they give me several different drugs, that's why it takes 7-8 hours. Most of the drugs are to counter act the side effects of the hard Cancer Killing drugs they give me towards the end of the treatment. Well, I was about 30 minutes into one of these drugs and the palms of my hands started to itch bad, I mean really bad. It was driving my crazy. I got up to go use the bathroom and wash my hands. Well came out of the john and all of a sudden I started to get really dizzy and started getting really hot, like I was in an oven.

I stood there for a sec to get my bearings and said to one of the nurses at the station nearby that I think something ain't right.  She took one look at me and jumped to her feet and came over to steady me and get me back to my room to sit down and then called an emergency over the loud speaker and to have all staff report to my room. I thought, Oh shit......I was sitting there burning up and looked at my arms and they were as red as a boiled lobster. I started to get scared. The head nurse showed up and immediately disconnected the chemo. The Doc showed up and they took my blood pressure the Doc told them to give me some stuff in my IV. My tongue started to feel kinda weird, like it was folding in half like a piece of paper. I could not speak. The DOC was concerned my breathing was affected and kept asking me if I could breath, I nodded and said yeah no problem. The took my blood pressure several times and were monitoring my heart rate, I was surrounded by nurses and the Doc there were at least 7 people in my little chemo room. I was getting scared. The DOC picked up on this and reassured me that everything was going to be ok. I had just had a reaction to one of the drugs they were giving me. He said this happens sometimes and too not be concerned. Just calm down and you are going to be ok. It took about 30-40 minutes before I started to feel normal, there were 3 nurses in there at all times watching me and kept asking how I was feeling. That made me feel really good and calmed me down having them there.

Well, after about an hour I was feeling normal, they had given me a saline drip with benadryl in it. The DOC came in and said that I had a classic reaction to this drug.....he named it but I forgot. He said that this happens sometimes, he said you could take the drug for awhile and then....poof, you get a reaction. He asked me If I had been sick with the flu and I said I am getting over a pretty bad cold, he said that is what probably triggered the reaction. He didn't have me do chemo today. He said he's giving me a break and to come back in 2 weeks. I asked him if that would give the cancer time to start growing again and he said no, you will be fine. Take a break.

So, I didn't get chemo today and I don't have that pump on me.....woohoo!!!!  I go back in 2 weeks. I have not had chemo now in 2 weeks, this next 2 weeks will make it a month since I had chemo. I am hoping my taste buds come back. The Doc mentioned that too. Oh, I hope hope. I would be happy if they come back just for a day. So, that's where I stand. Had a little scare today, but the Doc says that I am going to be fine and not to worry about it. That happens. He said my blood looked very good, and I look good. So, I'm cool. Looking forward to finally taste a good pizza for a change...I hope!

Friday, April 5

No Change

Well, nothing much going on around here. Work, sleep, eat, shit, work, eat, sleep shit. Samo, samo.

I was hoping that the chemo pill the doc took me off of was the one that is screwing with my taste buds and that my taste buds might go back to normal. No such luck. They took my weight a couple days ago when I went in for labs and it was 289.......lost again! Shit. That's 11 lbs. in 3 weeks. Crap! I hope that isn't a sign the cancer is kicking in. I have been eating like a pig since. Hopefully next week I'll have gained some weight.

We still have the kids. Their Easter was ok I guess. I was sleeping, I worked that night prior. My girl and I hid some plastic eggs in the house filled with change for the 8yr old to look for. He had fun I guess. The dinner was good.

I like having the little baby here, I think she likes me. Every time I walk in the room her little face just brightens up and she starts smiling and squealing and wants me to pick her up.  She can say no and ow now. So every time she does something it's either no, or ow.....LOL. My girl is going to go for full custody of these kids.....I am going to be behind her 100% and I hope she wins. I don't know what she has planned, but, by the sounds of some of the details it's pretty devious. The bum is still in the clink so he is out of the picture. Frankly I think that is a good place for him. Hell, he ain't never had a job. He has never taken care of himself..........shit, let the state do it.

My lady has told me of letters that he writes where he says he is going to sue the state, police, town, etc......for damages and he is going to have enough money to buy a house when he gets out for him and his kids........LOL, I want to ask the guy what has he been smoking....LOL. He's a fucking idiot. I want to tell the guy, the only way he is going to survive when he gets out is to find a fucking job and start to take care of himself.........the stupid fucker. He might still want to be a magician for private parties for all I know....LOL. The level of this guys stupidity amazes me. Honestly.

I have not had a cig since the 31st. Sunday night. I still constantly think about smoking though. I went and got a pack of smokes yesterday. While driving home I lit one up. Took 3 puffs and got this really nasty taste in my mouth. Worse than the metal chemo taste. I tossed the cig and the whole pack out of the window. Wasted 5 bucks....but, oh well. Looks like this stage of quitting is going to take. My lady is doing steller as far as I know. She has been smoke free for about 6 months now.

We been getting along ok. Still at each other throats because I am constantly here, lol. I do look forward to my chemo days where I am in the docs office for a few hours without her. But, that's just part of growing old with someone. I love her, that's all that matters.

I am at a constant vigil, I will fight, I will not give up. I stand here at the ready for anything.

NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!  NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!!!