No Change

Well, nothing much going on around here. Work, sleep, eat, shit, work, eat, sleep shit. Samo, samo.

I was hoping that the chemo pill the doc took me off of was the one that is screwing with my taste buds and that my taste buds might go back to normal. No such luck. They took my weight a couple days ago when I went in for labs and it was 289.......lost again! Shit. That's 11 lbs. in 3 weeks. Crap! I hope that isn't a sign the cancer is kicking in. I have been eating like a pig since. Hopefully next week I'll have gained some weight.

We still have the kids. Their Easter was ok I guess. I was sleeping, I worked that night prior. My girl and I hid some plastic eggs in the house filled with change for the 8yr old to look for. He had fun I guess. The dinner was good.

I like having the little baby here, I think she likes me. Every time I walk in the room her little face just brightens up and she starts smiling and squealing and wants me to pick her up.  She can say no and ow now. So every time she does something it's either no, or ow.....LOL. My girl is going to go for full custody of these kids.....I am going to be behind her 100% and I hope she wins. I don't know what she has planned, but, by the sounds of some of the details it's pretty devious. The bum is still in the clink so he is out of the picture. Frankly I think that is a good place for him. Hell, he ain't never had a job. He has never taken care of himself..........shit, let the state do it.

My lady has told me of letters that he writes where he says he is going to sue the state, police, town, etc......for damages and he is going to have enough money to buy a house when he gets out for him and his kids........LOL, I want to ask the guy what has he been smoking....LOL. He's a fucking idiot. I want to tell the guy, the only way he is going to survive when he gets out is to find a fucking job and start to take care of himself.........the stupid fucker. He might still want to be a magician for private parties for all I know....LOL. The level of this guys stupidity amazes me. Honestly.

I have not had a cig since the 31st. Sunday night. I still constantly think about smoking though. I went and got a pack of smokes yesterday. While driving home I lit one up. Took 3 puffs and got this really nasty taste in my mouth. Worse than the metal chemo taste. I tossed the cig and the whole pack out of the window. Wasted 5 bucks....but, oh well. Looks like this stage of quitting is going to take. My lady is doing steller as far as I know. She has been smoke free for about 6 months now.

We been getting along ok. Still at each other throats because I am constantly here, lol. I do look forward to my chemo days where I am in the docs office for a few hours without her. But, that's just part of growing old with someone. I love her, that's all that matters.

I am at a constant vigil, I will fight, I will not give up. I stand here at the ready for anything.

NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!  NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!!!