Screamed and yelled at the lady today. The shit is coming to a head. The fucking piles of crap she has stacked all over the fucking house are getting to me.
By our back door we have a little hallway and there is a door going downstairs. I came up from the basement today, the dog was there to meet me. We have a big dog and he was in he way, I told him to move. The area we were in is not that big and leaning against the wall is a lounge chair the lady has used once out on the deck. It has been leaning there since it started getting warm. I stubbed my toe on it and it hurt like hell.
I went the fuck off. The dog not moving, that fucking chair there for 3 months and only being used once, and the rest of all the crap piled in the kitchen just made me snap. I told her I wanted all the crap out or I would throw the fucking shit away. Get the crap out of the fucking kitchen. This fucking house is a dam obsticle course and I am sick of it all. She fired back....Oh, it's all about you, and I said dam fucking right. Get the shit taken care of or I'll do it.
Well, she has since got off her lazy ass and straightened out the kitchen. I hope this fucking chick has gotten the point. I am not putting up with her shit any longer. Period.
Got a hot wheels race track from the bay a few days ago. I forgot how much space those fuckers needed. The only room in this house that does not have any piles of her crap is my room in the basement. It's nice and open. The kid came down and asked if he could play with his track down here, I said hell no. This is my room. Nobodies crap is going into it. It's her dam fault this house is so fucking cluttered, go talk to her.
Well, I hope that has did some good. I am really getting sick of her and her whole deadbeat idiot family. I don't want anything bad to happen to any of them, or get hurt or anything, I'm just tired. I am looking forward to taking a break from her next month. I am going to insist she stay. For at least a week anyways. Nothing else.
Saturday, August 31
Friday, August 30
Good Morning
Having my coffee/ice water. Just woke up. The pain is there today. I am out of 1 of my types of pain pills. The lower ones. A am supposed to take the big ones on schedule because they are timed release to set up a barrier for the pain. The lower ones are to be used every 6 hours to take care of the pain that breaks through that set barrier. Last week I was feeling so bad I took more than I was supposed to of the lower ones and my prescription can not be filled till Tuesday!!!! I am going to talk to the nurse today and see if something can be done. My pain is getting better by the way, I can not believe I tolerated worse last week.
I still can not sleep on my right side......this is getting on my nerves and laying on my back for the treatments still kills me. I think I have 6-8 more treatments to go. Don't know if I have gone halfway yet. I hope not. I was hopeful at halfway I would be pain free. We will see. Also these dam pain pills cause constipation......damn. That makes this pain worse as well. Boy I can not wait for this issue to pass. I am also going to ask the doc if this will come back. I am almost sure it will if the cancer keeps growing, I would just like to know how much relief I can look forward to. But, I am going back on the chemo drugs that killed the cancer and made it shrink last time when these treatments are over I think. I am also taking stronger tumeric, concentrated in a pill form and black seed oil pills that have been proven to prevent the spread and kill cancer cells.
I don't know about those 2. It can't hurt, but I have no idea if they will work or not. Steve Jobs was a very dedicated naturalist. He used natural supplements and other things to treat his cancer. It still got him. My cousin advised me of another natural supplement that shows promise. Hemp oil, but that is very expensive and illegal here still. I am willing to try anything. I have heard that a person can live without their pancreas but have not done any indepth research on how their quality of life would be.
After dealing with this pain for so long, I can now understand how important quality of life is. If I were to be told that there is nothing that can be done about my pain and I would have to live with it till the end. I think I would look for options of going out. I would not be able to/want to live the rest of my life like that. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT giving up, I am NOT going to quit the fight, I AM still very faithful and I AM very strong. The first year I had this beast on the ropes, it has since fought back a little. I am on top of this mutha and will not let up.
With the support of my family, all my friends and help from the Good Lord above. I will beat this thing.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh another thing. I'm so pissed. I have been smoking a lot more since I started getting this pain. The cigs help me cope. The lady don't know and as far as I'm concerned she ain't gonna find out. I do not need to complicate my life any more than it is. If she were to find out, she would be constantly on my back about it and then I would end up tossing her. Don't want to do that, but if it happens, it happens.
Later All
I still can not sleep on my right side......this is getting on my nerves and laying on my back for the treatments still kills me. I think I have 6-8 more treatments to go. Don't know if I have gone halfway yet. I hope not. I was hopeful at halfway I would be pain free. We will see. Also these dam pain pills cause constipation......damn. That makes this pain worse as well. Boy I can not wait for this issue to pass. I am also going to ask the doc if this will come back. I am almost sure it will if the cancer keeps growing, I would just like to know how much relief I can look forward to. But, I am going back on the chemo drugs that killed the cancer and made it shrink last time when these treatments are over I think. I am also taking stronger tumeric, concentrated in a pill form and black seed oil pills that have been proven to prevent the spread and kill cancer cells.
I don't know about those 2. It can't hurt, but I have no idea if they will work or not. Steve Jobs was a very dedicated naturalist. He used natural supplements and other things to treat his cancer. It still got him. My cousin advised me of another natural supplement that shows promise. Hemp oil, but that is very expensive and illegal here still. I am willing to try anything. I have heard that a person can live without their pancreas but have not done any indepth research on how their quality of life would be.
After dealing with this pain for so long, I can now understand how important quality of life is. If I were to be told that there is nothing that can be done about my pain and I would have to live with it till the end. I think I would look for options of going out. I would not be able to/want to live the rest of my life like that. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT giving up, I am NOT going to quit the fight, I AM still very faithful and I AM very strong. The first year I had this beast on the ropes, it has since fought back a little. I am on top of this mutha and will not let up.
With the support of my family, all my friends and help from the Good Lord above. I will beat this thing.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh another thing. I'm so pissed. I have been smoking a lot more since I started getting this pain. The cigs help me cope. The lady don't know and as far as I'm concerned she ain't gonna find out. I do not need to complicate my life any more than it is. If she were to find out, she would be constantly on my back about it and then I would end up tossing her. Don't want to do that, but if it happens, it happens.
Later All
Thursday, August 29
Feeling better
I am feeling very better today. Today was a good day. I went in for radiation treatment and they gave me another unit of blood. This time I insisted they put me in a room with a bed. That worked out very well. While they were giving me blood I was able to lay down and take a nap. I still can't sit in a recliner, that causes pain. I have to either lay on my left side, or sit up. Laying on the table doing the radiation hurt like hell, I have to lay on my back for that. I am very hopeful that goes away too.
Well, here we go again. I'm not dumping my girl. We talked tonight. I did not let her know how close I was but, we talked. This pain that I been having has really fucked with my head. I still feel I need a break from her. Hell, we have been together 24x7 constantly for almost 1 1/2 years. That would put any relationship to the test. I am just not going to take her complaints with a grain of salt anymore, if she complains, I'm gonna fire right back, rudely if need be. She is causing me way too much stress. I need to stop her from doing that pronto.
I'm feeling normal right now. This is the best I have felt in about a month. I have lost a lot of weight due to this. I am down to 264. That is the less I have weighed in a very long time. I am hoping next week at this time I have regained my appetite. Today is the first day in about month that I have ate 3 meals. So I hope that continues. I ain't going anywhere.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!
Well, here we go again. I'm not dumping my girl. We talked tonight. I did not let her know how close I was but, we talked. This pain that I been having has really fucked with my head. I still feel I need a break from her. Hell, we have been together 24x7 constantly for almost 1 1/2 years. That would put any relationship to the test. I am just not going to take her complaints with a grain of salt anymore, if she complains, I'm gonna fire right back, rudely if need be. She is causing me way too much stress. I need to stop her from doing that pronto.
I'm feeling normal right now. This is the best I have felt in about a month. I have lost a lot of weight due to this. I am down to 264. That is the less I have weighed in a very long time. I am hoping next week at this time I have regained my appetite. Today is the first day in about month that I have ate 3 meals. So I hope that continues. I ain't going anywhere.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 27
Mistake
I am beginning to realize my mistake. I never should have moved that stupid chick out of scumtown. Now, my primary goal is going to be to get her ass out of here and get her ass back there where she belongs. I am sick and tired of dealing with her. I know I have been saying that in this blog since the beginning. I usually get pissed at something.....rant about it on here and get over it in a few days. This time is different. It has been a few days since she initially pissed me off, I.m not over. Far from it, I'm worse actually.
I said earlier that all I was waiting for was a reason....well, I almost have it. I have spoken with my boss and my folks. I can work from up there. My mother wants to come and get me. She thinks the lady ain't doing enough or good enough job taking care of me. She's right.
This chick I'm with has constantly been getting dumber. Some of the shit she asks me to do for her is so fucking normal and menial, it's makes me want to ask.....what the fuck did you do before you met me?
She maybe just lazy. It would not surprise me, both her fucking sons are.
I'm tired of dealing with this stupid bitch. I'm done. I'm dumping her this weekend.
I said earlier that all I was waiting for was a reason....well, I almost have it. I have spoken with my boss and my folks. I can work from up there. My mother wants to come and get me. She thinks the lady ain't doing enough or good enough job taking care of me. She's right.
This chick I'm with has constantly been getting dumber. Some of the shit she asks me to do for her is so fucking normal and menial, it's makes me want to ask.....what the fuck did you do before you met me?
She maybe just lazy. It would not surprise me, both her fucking sons are.
I'm tired of dealing with this stupid bitch. I'm done. I'm dumping her this weekend.
Monday, August 26
I ain't dumping my lady
Had my radiation treatment today. It felt good. I have a little pain right now, but nothing compared to this last weekend. I also found out why I been feeling so shitty the past few days. My blood count is very very low. The doc is probably going to give me blood tomorrow.
I have been sleeping all day. Going back to bed when I get done with this. I ain't dumping my lady. That was the pain talking. Her sons on the other hand can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.
I have been sleeping all day. Going back to bed when I get done with this. I ain't dumping my lady. That was the pain talking. Her sons on the other hand can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.
Sunday, August 25
My Girlfriends Worthless Sons
Well, It's time for another rant about how fucking worthless my girlfriends sons are. I'm calling her my girlfriend and not my wife at this time because I am actually getting real sick of her and her brood. I'm thinking about cutting the ties.
They are all from scumtown, I'm from scumtown and am ashamed of it. The reason I call this place scumtown is, that's all that live in it. Lazy scum, period. I would say 95% of the population of that town and area are on welfare and collecting state aid. My parents and my family never did as far as I know. My dad always worked.
Anyways, she has one son that lives up there and one son that lives down here. The one down here is currently in jail and to tell you the truth, that's a good place for him. He never has supported himself, never. He had his mom support him, then found a girlfriend that worked to support him and ended up marrying her.
The guy is in his mid 30's and has never had a drivers license. The one up north at least has that, but that's about it. He is doing the same thing. Having his girlfriend work while he sits at home on his ass. Since I have been with my girl his girlfriend has always had a job, he has had at least 20. He gets the job, works for a couple weeks, then gets canned. It's always somebody elses fault. Fuk that, he's a lazy fucking good for nothing worthless bum.
Both of my girlfriends sons are doing this. Letting women support them. I'm getting really really tired of dealing with the scum too. I'm at the point right now to just h\ask my lady to leave. I don't want her here any longer. I certainly do not need her here. I can take care of myself.
I'm just looking/waiting for an excuse. She, her sons, whatever pisses me off....it's over.
There is not one good thing I can say about her worthless sons. Not one. They are both idiots. They can not even join the military now. I don't even think they are worth taking a bullet for this country.
The lady is getting on my nerves really bad as well. She stacks things. She bitches she wants something......goes on and on about it. She gets it and then piles it in a corner somewhere, never to be touched again. Our fucking kitchen is turning into a dam obstacle course. I told her that the upstairs is hers. It is. But if she don't start to clean up her fucking piles, there are about 7-8 of them through out the house. I'm fucking throwing the shit out. I moved this chick out of scumtown. I am starting to think I never should have.
I can sell this fucking house, get a cheap appartment and enjoy the rest of my life. I know I will make a profit on this place. 1. I got it at a pretty good price. 2. Have since made a bum\nch of improvements, especially fenced in the backyard. That alone added 5-6 grand onto it. 3. The place is only 10 years old.
Getting back to her worthless sons. I can not understand how the two scum bums can live with themselves. Letting a women support them? Shit. I know they both have no pride, they must not. I have told both of them exactly what I think of them, so they know never to ask me for anything. I was taught at a very young age a man takes care of his own. A man takes care of his family. If he can not care for a family, he does not start one. Period. It's the mans job to support the family. Her 2 sons are pitiful wussbags. They both have different fathers. The fact that they both turned out the same leads me to believe the fathers aint worth a shit either. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I would love to meet these 2 clowns. I would bitch slap the both of them.
I ain't gonna dump my girlfriend over her 2 sons. Ain't gonna dump her at all. I am however not going to be as easy to live with. I am not going to be the all caring, compassionate, thoughtful guy anymore. I'm gonna start to focus more on myself. I feel I deserve it.
*******************************UPDATE **************************
Well It's been a few days since that post above. I wanted to add a bit to it. I don't think my girlfriends sons got their lazyness from their fathers. I think it may have been passed onto them from the worthless mom. I have been noticing a few things the past days that I should have noticed a long time ago, but was blinded by compassion and pity I suppose. My girl is fucking lazy. All she does all day is sit on her ass and watch TV. Granted she may be in pain, but hell. All fucking day? Everyday? She don't even get dressed some days. Stays in her pajammas.
She is really getting on my nerves. We ARE going up north next month. She is going to stay a week or 2. I need a break. If she does not agree. I am going to refuse to bring her back. I'm done with this shit.
They are all from scumtown, I'm from scumtown and am ashamed of it. The reason I call this place scumtown is, that's all that live in it. Lazy scum, period. I would say 95% of the population of that town and area are on welfare and collecting state aid. My parents and my family never did as far as I know. My dad always worked.
Anyways, she has one son that lives up there and one son that lives down here. The one down here is currently in jail and to tell you the truth, that's a good place for him. He never has supported himself, never. He had his mom support him, then found a girlfriend that worked to support him and ended up marrying her.
The guy is in his mid 30's and has never had a drivers license. The one up north at least has that, but that's about it. He is doing the same thing. Having his girlfriend work while he sits at home on his ass. Since I have been with my girl his girlfriend has always had a job, he has had at least 20. He gets the job, works for a couple weeks, then gets canned. It's always somebody elses fault. Fuk that, he's a lazy fucking good for nothing worthless bum.
Both of my girlfriends sons are doing this. Letting women support them. I'm getting really really tired of dealing with the scum too. I'm at the point right now to just h\ask my lady to leave. I don't want her here any longer. I certainly do not need her here. I can take care of myself.
I'm just looking/waiting for an excuse. She, her sons, whatever pisses me off....it's over.
There is not one good thing I can say about her worthless sons. Not one. They are both idiots. They can not even join the military now. I don't even think they are worth taking a bullet for this country.
The lady is getting on my nerves really bad as well. She stacks things. She bitches she wants something......goes on and on about it. She gets it and then piles it in a corner somewhere, never to be touched again. Our fucking kitchen is turning into a dam obstacle course. I told her that the upstairs is hers. It is. But if she don't start to clean up her fucking piles, there are about 7-8 of them through out the house. I'm fucking throwing the shit out. I moved this chick out of scumtown. I am starting to think I never should have.
I can sell this fucking house, get a cheap appartment and enjoy the rest of my life. I know I will make a profit on this place. 1. I got it at a pretty good price. 2. Have since made a bum\nch of improvements, especially fenced in the backyard. That alone added 5-6 grand onto it. 3. The place is only 10 years old.
Getting back to her worthless sons. I can not understand how the two scum bums can live with themselves. Letting a women support them? Shit. I know they both have no pride, they must not. I have told both of them exactly what I think of them, so they know never to ask me for anything. I was taught at a very young age a man takes care of his own. A man takes care of his family. If he can not care for a family, he does not start one. Period. It's the mans job to support the family. Her 2 sons are pitiful wussbags. They both have different fathers. The fact that they both turned out the same leads me to believe the fathers aint worth a shit either. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I would love to meet these 2 clowns. I would bitch slap the both of them.
I ain't gonna dump my girlfriend over her 2 sons. Ain't gonna dump her at all. I am however not going to be as easy to live with. I am not going to be the all caring, compassionate, thoughtful guy anymore. I'm gonna start to focus more on myself. I feel I deserve it.
*******************************UPDATE **************************
Well It's been a few days since that post above. I wanted to add a bit to it. I don't think my girlfriends sons got their lazyness from their fathers. I think it may have been passed onto them from the worthless mom. I have been noticing a few things the past days that I should have noticed a long time ago, but was blinded by compassion and pity I suppose. My girl is fucking lazy. All she does all day is sit on her ass and watch TV. Granted she may be in pain, but hell. All fucking day? Everyday? She don't even get dressed some days. Stays in her pajammas.
She is really getting on my nerves. We ARE going up north next month. She is going to stay a week or 2. I need a break. If she does not agree. I am going to refuse to bring her back. I'm done with this shit.
Friday, August 23
I'm Back
My PC died. Had to get a new one. Alot has happened in the last few weeks.
Other than the PC going tits up, I got some bad news 3 weeks ago. For the last few weeks I have been getting this pain in my right side. It consistently got worse. My doc initially thought it was a muscle pull. Went back a week later and told him it was worse. They took a CT scan. My cancer has woke up and started growing again. Not much, just a little bit, but it started growing.
That has been 3 weeks ago. The pain in my right side is due to a spot on my liver that is rubbing against my diaphragm and the sac containing my liver. I have been taking radiation treatments daily to shrink that spot and relieve the pain. I have had 3 treatments so far. It's helping. I'm not pain free yet, far from it, but I am improving. I have about 10 treatments to go and I am hopeful they work. I really like the radiation doc. He kinda looks like Dustin Hoffman and talks like a hippy. LOL. He's a very good doc I think.
Been taking my daily chemo pill, so I'm still fighting this beast and will continue. Basically I'm back at square one.....Oh well.
Me and the wife have started collecting hot wheel cars, lol. For a few years now I have been wanting to replace the ones I had as a kid. Now, I'm doing it. What surprised me though was how my wife has taken to it. She loves little cars. I never knew that. It's great. Finally something we can do together, both enjoy and is inexpensive. She is in charge of the unopened stuff....me, I open mine. I like to hold them, display them and hell, play with them....LOL. I got a track and we race sometimes.....It's great! She is more excited about them than I am I think....that's cool. Also the new ones look really, really cool. They are making more 70's muscle cars and the paint jobs on these little cars is amazing. I really like the ones of real cars, and the 70's vans. The 70's style vans are my favorites. Right now, my wife has more of them than I do.....LOL. I am going to collect the set, try to get every one. She is only buying the ones that she likes. I am not going to open the set ones. I have built a peg board in the basement that I hang them on, like at the store. I'm getting a camera soon as well so should have some pics up.
That's it. Besides the pain in my right side, I feel fine. That is being treated so I just gotta get by and hope the treatments get rid of it. I had heard cancer was a very painful disease. I never understood why. Now I do.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!
Other than the PC going tits up, I got some bad news 3 weeks ago. For the last few weeks I have been getting this pain in my right side. It consistently got worse. My doc initially thought it was a muscle pull. Went back a week later and told him it was worse. They took a CT scan. My cancer has woke up and started growing again. Not much, just a little bit, but it started growing.
That has been 3 weeks ago. The pain in my right side is due to a spot on my liver that is rubbing against my diaphragm and the sac containing my liver. I have been taking radiation treatments daily to shrink that spot and relieve the pain. I have had 3 treatments so far. It's helping. I'm not pain free yet, far from it, but I am improving. I have about 10 treatments to go and I am hopeful they work. I really like the radiation doc. He kinda looks like Dustin Hoffman and talks like a hippy. LOL. He's a very good doc I think.
Been taking my daily chemo pill, so I'm still fighting this beast and will continue. Basically I'm back at square one.....Oh well.
Me and the wife have started collecting hot wheel cars, lol. For a few years now I have been wanting to replace the ones I had as a kid. Now, I'm doing it. What surprised me though was how my wife has taken to it. She loves little cars. I never knew that. It's great. Finally something we can do together, both enjoy and is inexpensive. She is in charge of the unopened stuff....me, I open mine. I like to hold them, display them and hell, play with them....LOL. I got a track and we race sometimes.....It's great! She is more excited about them than I am I think....that's cool. Also the new ones look really, really cool. They are making more 70's muscle cars and the paint jobs on these little cars is amazing. I really like the ones of real cars, and the 70's vans. The 70's style vans are my favorites. Right now, my wife has more of them than I do.....LOL. I am going to collect the set, try to get every one. She is only buying the ones that she likes. I am not going to open the set ones. I have built a peg board in the basement that I hang them on, like at the store. I'm getting a camera soon as well so should have some pics up.
That's it. Besides the pain in my right side, I feel fine. That is being treated so I just gotta get by and hope the treatments get rid of it. I had heard cancer was a very painful disease. I never understood why. Now I do.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!! NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!!!
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